Surprised Suburban Wife

Happy Birthday Emily!

2011-09-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

Well there we have it. Emily's first five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, done and accomplished and achieved. We had a party for her on Friday afternoon, rocking the house until 7:30pm when the last exhausted preschooler and his parents left. It went great! Except for this:

Emily has of course grown in leaps and bounds, developing at least ten new skills per month (!) and becoming her own little person. Easygoing, active, friendly, outgoing, curious, and of course incredibly bright. Not that we are biased or just describing every other one year old. I think it's the REST of the family that has really had to learn over the past year, since Emily was just doing what comes naturally and instinctively, while Brad, Megan and I had to seriously learn and adapt our lifestyles, expectations of each other, and time management.

Megan has gone from a two and three quarters year old who was carried and strollered whenever we went out, to a big girl of almost four (!) who I can bring out for the afternoon with NO supplies! No extra outfit, no snacks, no stroller, no nothing. Except my wallet since she is both (a) adorable and (b) full of desires and I am a weak parent in the face of such conditions. She has gone from a tantrummy toddler to a fairly rational preschooler. From size 2T to size 3T, from size 6 shoes to size 8 shoes. From Vancouver to Disneyland, Seattle, Midway, and Kelowna. From being in the "Minnows" swim class to the upcoming "Seahorse" swim class. From being petrified of the dark to being able to sleep with just one night light. From constantly needing me to play with her, to playing for hours by herself, having her dolls and little people act out complicated stories about school, swimming lessons, daycare, friends, and mommies and daddies. From being carried up and down mountains on hikes, to doing good long sections of hikes herself. From being attached to her teachers more than her peers at daycare in the Toddler room, to being more involved in her peers in the 3-5 Room. Every day I am amazed by how far she's come.

But yes, this is Emily's day. Here are some of her one year old achievements:

1. Walking full time! For a week and a half or so. She took about 6 weeks to transition fully from just taking a couple of steps and mostly crawling, to walking 99% of the time. Mourning the loss of my baby, but oh my goodness! Walking is so much cleaner and easier on pants than crawling was! Plus - cute shoes instead of baby slippers!

2. Waking up twice a night to nurse. Oh wait, not an achievement as much as a reluctance on my part to give up this snuggly ritual that she absolutely doesn't need from a nutritional perspective.

3. Wearing 6-12month pants, 12 month sized tops. We're pretty much done with onesies except for fleecy ones on chilly hikes. 18lbs 8oz as of last week, so she has plateaued on weight gain, probably because she's running around so damn much.

4. Wearing an amber teething necklace to calm her and help her sleep through the night. Oh wait, see #2 above for the success of that particular voodoo hocus pocus rip-off. It's super-cute though so we're (I'm) leaving it on.

5. Daycare baby! We have been paying for full time daycare since September 1 to hold the spot for when I go back to work on October 3, and Emily has so far been there for 2 hours a couple weeks ago, and 6 hours last week. She has had no adjustment problems whatsoever, adores daycare, has napped, eaten, played, and warmed right up to the teachers.

6. Still eats whatever - veggies, fruit, meat, pizza, pasta, rice, tofu, you name it. Yawn.

7. Has lighter, curlier hair than Megan. Emily basically looks nothing like me, but for having brown eyes, and even those are much lighter than mine. Here she was pre-hair at 5 weeks old, when she slept through a professional photo shoot:

And here she is now, wispy curls and all:

8. Loved her birthday cupcake. And her momma.

9. Emily is destined to sleep on fine linens and under cushy duvets - there is nothing that makes her as happy as being put down on a bed full of duvet and pillows. She grins with her whole body, and snuggles in with complete bliss. When she's grumpy or upset, I just bring her to our room, and plop onto the bed with her, and she wriggles and chatters happily in seconds.

10. I love her. I will miss her every day that she is at daycare. She is my baby.

August 25, 2011. Eleven Months. Bittersweet.

2011-08-25T18:02:00.000-07:00

Already? Crazy. At eleven whole months, Emily is:

1. Taking steps! Several a day since she was ten months and one week. Every day she grows more confident being upright, but she is definitely not walking yet, just taking two or three steps at a time throughout the day when the mood strikes. She spends as much time as possible upright, holding stuff, pushing a walker, using anything she can find to help her walk.

2. Trying to mimic words more and more. Yesterday it was "train" which I know anyone else would think was impossible (like "pancake!"), but I know what I heard! Besides it happened when I was holding her little train, kept saying "train! train! train!" and then she came back at me with "CHE" and I just know what she meant because of her ear-splitting grin of comprehension and pride.

3. Waking once a night! Or sometimes 6 times a night! She is one of those kids who is very very sensitive to teething pain or any other disruption. The silver lining or whatever is that she still naps amazingly well. 2-3 hours a day in the afternoon plus whatever I can find time to give her in the morning. She's starting to be able to skip the morning nap sometimes if I keep her busy, and just go down a bit earlier, noon-ish, for a long afternoon nap. I have become absolutely addicted to her afternoon naps, and try my best to be home for them every day, so I have time to internet, shower, read, plan, chatter with friends etc. How productive it would be if I used this time for cooking and cleaning!

4. Breastfeeding less and less frequently during the day, sometimes just to get to sleep for her nap and maybe two other times. This is dramatically different from the every two hours schedule she had going until recently. Bittersweet this change has been. So much so that I relish the night wake ups (INSANE right?), and sit there with her in my arms for several minutes after she's unlatched and fallen asleep, just watching her little face, and feeling her sleepy weight.

5. Eats eats eats. Everything. Drinks milk from Megan's cup. Eats Megan's leftovers every morning (oatmeal) and after lunch and dinner too.

6. Weighed 18lbs 4oz as of a couple of weeks ago. Champion eater!

7. Camped for the first time last week for three nights. She loved it! Loved hanging out in the tent, treating it like one big bouncy castle of fun. Loved sleeping with us in my arms all night. Loved climbing all over us in the mornings. Absolutely adored camping food.
8. Starts transitioning into daycare on September 1. I'm going back to work on October 3, but to secure our daycare spot for Emily, she is registered starting September 1. This should allow for a very gradual entry! Which she doesn't need at all, since we go to daycare to drop Megan off all the time, and Emily typically takes off the second I put her down. Yesterday she spent a good 15 minutes in the Baby room without me while I chatted to Megan's teachers in the 3-5 room. She did not notice that I'd left. Again, bittersweet, because of course I want her to have an easy transition for her sake, but oh! It kind of hurts my heart to think of leaving such a small important person in the hands of others all day long.

9. Has moved into a big kid convertible carseat. We hadn't been removing the bucket seat for months since she doesn't stay asleep in it anymore, so I lent it to a friend for her newborn and we found a convertible carseat on sale. Done. Also and again: more bittersweet.

10. Plays more and more like a toddler every day. She gets angry if Megan takes a toy away from her, has a clear preference for toys that move (trucks, trains, balls) and toys with faces (especially Megan's monkey and Tidoo doll). This is one of those things I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't such a difference from Megan, who preferred her blankie from quite a young age. We do a lot of asking ourselves "nature or nurture?" these days because it's just so hard not to compare the two. I don't know if I've adequately described Emily's personality here, or if it's possible to do so without sounding like I think she's anything different or special. Oh wait! She IS different and special and amazing - her tenacity, her humour, her outgoing nature. Her ridiculously high activity level. Her amazing strength.

Emily at Ten Months

2011-07-26T11:13:00.000-07:00

1. Crawls, furniture surfs, and stands without holding on for a few seconds at a time, and can walk by pushing the walker around.

Standing up! And checking out the "baby" in Megan's "ute-ah-liss":)

2. Is trying to talk! I swear, she can say ball ("Buh" while pointing or holding a ball), mama, and pancake. I know, the last one is a bit far-fetched, but seriously, she is trying, and even Brad recognized "pancake" two days ago. When we were having pancakes.

3. Points at stuff. Hands me stuff. Especially food, and then chortles excitedly if I eat what she gives me.

4. Waves. Especially when she first sees Megan - she'll frantically wave one arm and babble while showing off her ear-splitting grin of happiness.

5. Poops a lot. Way way more than Megan ever did, maybe even more than Megan does now! This morning she woke up and let's just say I had to strip the bed, wash everything (pajamas, stuffies, blanket, sleep sack....all poopy), and give her a bath, but only after hosing her off with the shower before filling the tub. It was truly amazing. On a related note, I made a big batch of blueberry-carob pancakes on the weekend. Oh and she weighed 17 lbs, 4.5oz two weeks ago, bigger than Megan was at a year old!

Enjoying carob pancakes and canteloupe for possibly the last time ever after Teh Poops

6. Loves daycare. When I drop Megan off in the morning, I put Emily down on the floor and she takes off, exploring as fast as she can, grinning at the big kids, and showing off all her skills (eating stickers and bits of paper she finds on the floor). I don't think she will find it hard to be left there for the day when the time comes in a couple of months.

7. Shares a bedroom with her big sister! We moved a month ago, and immediately set the girls up in one bedroom. It has been a hit and miss arrangement, but on the nights when it works well, it's so very cool. I love listening to them chatter away in the morning, sometimes for half an hour or more. Megan will climb into the crib, unzip the sleep sack, bring in toys for Emily, and just .... play. Happily. Absolutely heartwarming, especially since it gives me a good amount of time to myself with my coffee, newspaper and internet in the morning.

8. Has six teeth. The two newest ones have broken through but are not in final position yet. Teething has been rough, with Emily waking as many as five times a night recently. This makes me so anxious about the next wake-up that I find it hard to get to sleep in between wakings or at the beginning of the night. I just can't relax enough to fall asleep when I may get woken up within minutes of drifting off. Two nights ago she slept from 11pm-7am straight though, so I know there's hope/light at the end of the tunnel/whatever. Also I have to admit that since she is maybe my last baby, I kind of don't want to give up the night-time cuddles yet, because I know that by the time she's two or three or older she will be far too busy to cuddle and far to big to fit in my arms.

9. Champion napper. If we are home, she will take two two-hour naps in her crib per day, and follows the "2-3-4" rule to a tee. I know this all goes to hell in a few months so I'm trying to go with it as long as possible. Also, as every damn sleep expert out there says, sleep begets sleep, so the more she naps properly, the better her night sleep.

10. Is read to every day now that we have books unpacked and have put the board books on the bottom shelf of the bookshelf in the girls' bedroom. She loves being read to, probably because she's been there for so many storytimes with Megan.

Nine Months (on the outside)!

2011-06-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

On Friday my baby will have lived outside of me for a full nine months. Without further ado...

1. Sleep. She slept through the night once, and has had many nights of only waking once between 10:30pm and 5-ish a.m. Win! And she's a great napper. I go to bed every night expecting the 5 wake-up special, and when it's better than that, things are just great.
2. Food. Where does she put it all? She eats well, often, anything and everything. Today she has had: udon noodles, broccoli, strawberry spelt muffin, cantelope, yam, crust from my sandwich, and I don't even know what else for lunch, since she shared Brad's. And had "more than her fair share." She's still wearing some 3-6 month clothing so where this is all going is a mystery.
3. Crawling. Does so at the speed of light.
4. Standing. ALL THE FRICKIN TIME. Lets go with one hand often, and is well on the way to officially furniture surfing, taking one step then stopping or sitting.
5. Teeth. Two bottoms are in, two tops on the way, with top right centre leading the charge. This month teething seems to have oddly improved her sleep and not bothered her at all.
6. Waving. Does it. So so awesome.

7. Clapping. Trying! Hard! Sadly not quite there coordination-wise, but she really really wants to clap, although part way through trying it often becomes a two handed wave/ear splitting grin of her thinking "HOLY SHIT I AM COMMUNICATING WITH THESE PEOPLE AND IT'S AWESOME"
8. Loves her big sister more and more blah blah blah gag gag it's so damn sweet.

9. Will be moving for the first time in her short life this week! Just 10 minutes away, no major trauma. No minor trauma really since she is only 9 months old.
10. Hardly ever gets read to. Seriously, we rarely remember to pull out the baby board books and go through them with Emily. I read to Megan and if Em's there, she sort of pays attention, but really, second kid syndrome! Doesn't get the daily dose of concentrated book time that her big sister got at all. So far it hasn't killed her, and I think maybe she just assumes that books are all full of complicated storylines and long sections of text, and on those few occasions when I remember to read her a baby book she looks at me like I'm an idiot, and starts eating the book.

Eight Months Old!

2011-05-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

Holy cow, another month gone? Crazy. Emily is at eight months old:

1. Not sleeping through the night. Waking anywhere between 1 and 5 times a night, lucky me. She's napping, uh, ok, sometimes. I am blaming the eight month sleep regression and...

2. Teeth! Last week Emily finally sprouted the two bottom centre teeth buds, one after another. They are still just little fractional teeth, but still teeth are quite exciting. She has been showing off, crunching into her mum-mum biscuits with vigour for the past two days.

3. Crawling everywhere, faster every day, and trying to pull up to standing. I predict she'll do it by the weekend. Guess we have to finally cave and drop the crib mattress down low before she crash lands on her carpet.

4. She "plays" with other babies. Megan didn't, she parallel-played for ages, until she was maybe two. I think it's because Em has a more outgoing personality, and most of her peers are also second babies, so they have all had a little person to watch and interact with from the day one, whereas their big sisters and brothers just had grown ups to hang out with.

5. She "plays" with Megan. They laugh together, especially at the table. Megan gets annoyed when Emily crawls over and takes her toy/book/whatever, but generally is pretty patient, and when she's upset, she often wants to go hug Emily to help herself feel better.

6. She's eating solids every day, usually twice, sometimes three times a day. All the basics plus she's had some yogurt and toast and stolen the occasional cookie and grilled cheese.

7. Had her first battle with constipation! And triumphed thanks to prunes! It was awful to see her in such pain. And I know....you read #6 and think #7 means I got exactly what was deserved based on that crazy non-7 month old-friendly diet:)

8. Went on her first plane ride vacation!

We are insane so we took a 3 year old and a 7 month old to Disneyland and Southern California for 10 days. It actually went pretty amazingly well, especially for Emily. She's too little to be scared of the dark rides, and did great considering she rarely got to nap in a crib for the whole trip, just carseats, the ergo, and the stroller. Like Rerun though, someday she'll be annoyed that she can't remember this trip, but we will. Although a big part of me thinks Disneyland (and theme parks in general) are overpriced cults, Brad loves them. I love that we are creating memories of our kids at one of his favourite places and will be able to see them enjoy it differently each time we go throughout their childhoods.

9. Woke up with goopy eyes today. To celebrate being 8 months old she got conjunctivitis!

mmmm....look at those goopy pink eyes!

10. Continues to reveal her sunny personality every day. Emily is seriously charming. And fun! I am not sure where she inherited any of these characteristics from but it is beyond lovely to spend time with her.

Seven Months! Already!

2011-04-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow Emily hits the big 7 month milestone. Big in so many ways, but mainly because my maternity leave is officially winding down, which makes me very sad. She has been absolutely amazing over the past month - here are some of the highlights:

1. Basically crawling - she can pull forward on her tummy, commando style. She spends most of her time on all fours, lifting one arm, moving a leg forward, just about figuring out the real deal. I predict full on crawling comprehension hits inconveniently while we are on her first plane ride tomorrow.

2. Sits up! She started this right at six months, lost interest for a week or so recently while she focused on the up on all fours rocking around and crawling stuff, then two days ago finally let me put her down on her bum without going stiff as a board and found she could sit! For ages! Still eventually topples into faceplant city, but it's pretty impressive and makes so many things easier, like putting on the ergo - I can just put her seated on the ground, fasten the ergo around my waist, then plop her in. Much better than having to do it all while holding her.

3. Still has a mohawk. And no teeth. And increasingly dark eyes, but still light brown with hues of hazel and grey-green in the sun.

4. Still loves the swings. Prefers being put on her bum in the woodchips of the local playground though, and grabbing fistfuls then gleefully taste-testing.
5. Eats solids. All kinds. Grabbed a grilled cheese at a friend's on Monday and pretty much devoured half of it, even doing her best to gum up and swallow crust! Guess she's not allergic to wheat or dairy. She loves mangoes, broccoli, squash, beets, brown rice, penne noodles, yams, mum mums, bananas, and applesauce so far. I usually still mix in breastmilk and sometimes add in baby cereal, but go easy on that stuff because......

6. Has smelly, iron-scented poops that come only every few days and make me want to barf (but not as badly as when I found a sippy cup full of milk in Megan's play kitchen the other day which had become a SOLID and made Em's poop smell like roses in comparison).

7. Naps in her crib, in pack and plays or cribs at other people's houses, sometimes for two hours in the afternoon. It is so easy to take her places. I was always scared to even try this when Megan was a baby, but now we go on playdates where the 3 year olds need to play all afternoon, so there is no option to take the babies for a drive or a hike in the ergo for naps, they just have to sleep where they are put....and they do. Strange how that works, and how much easier it is to read a baby's need for a nap with a second child than it was with the first.

8. Still wakes up at night to feed, usually twice but occasionally once. I sometimes do the "dream feed" where I latch her on at 11pm-ish and she eats without even waking up, then sleeps until 3am or later. I am struggling with missing her newborn stage though, and still bring her into bed to cuddle and sleep sometimes. I'm just not totally ready to have her spend the night all by herself in the crib down the hall!

9. Looks like her big sister. More and more every day. Still different to me, but people who knew Megan as a baby just can't get over it. And they hang out together now, and play, and make each other laugh. So cool.

10. Part human, part fish. Absolutely loves swimming! We've been in lessons since January at the West Van pool, and she just can't get enough, doesn't cry when I submerge her, splashes like a champ and tries to put her face in to copy me blowing bubbles.

Six Months!

2011-03-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

Can you believe six months have passed? I just cannot. Emily is in some ways such a fixture now that it's hard to imagine what it was like before she arrived, how much simpler in many ways our family was. How much more complete things feel with her presence. Want some Top Ten stuff about her?
1. On the move. She scooches, spends most of her time on her tummy, pushing backwards and even forwards on the floor. She can push up onto all fours. True crawling is just around the corner.

2. Eating! About a week ago she started with a few solids. I am doing a combination of baby led weaning and purees. I think. Her first food was an inadvertent arrowroot cookie she grabbed after yoga last week - she gummed it up like a pro. It definitely contains all kinds of refined sugar, wheat flour, and god knows what else that should make it a less than ideal first food, but, yeah, second kid. Whatever. Then she ate steamed broccoli, holding the stalks and gumming up the seedy tops. Then bananas, grabbing fistfuls of mushy banana and smearing it everywhere. Then brown rice. Then rice cereal from a spoon. Definitely NOT a hit, I don't think she ate any, and definitely didn't appreciate that she was eating the finest organic brown rice mixed with breast milk. Next up: yams.

yum! broccoli and bananas!

3. On a related note, hasn't pooped in about 3 days, and Before Solids was a twice a day pooper.

4. Napping in her crib if I get her in at the right time.

5. Sleeping most of the night in her crib. She wakes up a few times (three last night), and still spends a couple hours a night nestled in my arms, but is mostly in the crib. At each wake-up she takes only 10-20 minutes to get back to sleep, a huge improvement over two months ago when we first started putting her into her crib. Also, no crying it out so far - yay!

How cute are we dressed in green on St. Patrick's Day???

6. Curly eyelashes + dimples + mohawk = gorgeous to everyone we meet.

7. Sits up! For up to two seconds at a time before doing the faceplant or headthunk.

8. Right handed - only noted because Megan is over three and I am still not certain whether she is right or left handed, whereas Emily has a distinct preference for her right hand.

9. Extrovert. Loves people. Wakes up thrilled to see a face. Generally oriented towards faces in a way that is completely amazing, maybe more so because it is quite different than Megan. I KNOW...stop the comparing! It's just ...hard not to, ok?

10. Loves being pushed on the swings. Especially by her big sister.

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Shortchanging My First Baby

2011-03-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

Tonight after both girls were in bed, sleeping, a super loud fire truck and maybe also some ambulances and police cars drove by our house, sirens blaring. We live across the street from a fire hall, so usually just a fire engine siren doesn't phase any of us, but this was a nutty amount of blare. Within seconds, Emily started screaming, then Megan was up pounding on her door and crying "My pull up hurts." The rational thing to do would have been leave Emily to cry for a bit, she won't remember me ignoring her for 10 minutes or so, and go soothe Megan back to bed. What did I do? Left both for a couple minutes hoping they'd go back to sleep (HA! As if!) and then when it got really bad out of both rooms......went into Emily. Dumb because it takes AGES to get Emily back to sleep, lots of breastfeeding and sitting, and trying to ever so gently transfer her from my arms to her crib. So there I am with Emily, feeling like a complete asshole parent for ignoring Megan when she really ramps up and I lose it. I went in to her, snapped at her that she has to get back into bed NOW because I am busy

Megan and Blankie

trying to get Emily to sleep and I better not hear another word out of her. Then I left, feeling like such an awful mom. Megan is three and she remembers everything, this just isn't how I want to be remembered in her mind, you know? Anyway, I was close with Emily, so I sat there with her for a few more minutes,

fed her back into her stupor, then put her into her crib. Then went to check on Megan. She was in bed, in her dark bedroom, sucking on her blankie, eyes wide open. I felt so so awful. I went in, she sat up and grinned at me and I gave her a hug, apologized for snapping at her, and helped her to check the pull up. As I did so, I hugged her little body close to me tightly, and was reminded that although she is so so big and competent compared to Emily, she is still a baby. My first baby. And she deserves to be babied sometimes too.

Five Months!

2011-02-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

Already???? Here we go....Emily at five months:

1. Sleeping in her crib! For the beginning of the night, and the early morning, but still sleeping in bed with me from around 10pm/midnight until 5ish am. Basically I am too lazy to try and get her back to sleep in her crib once I have already fallen asleep and been woken up, plus the house is cold and it's just easier to bring her into my bed. Until she starts thrashing around and kicking me, then I march her down the hall, plunk her into her crib and leave her there. Sleep is a work in progress around here. There is some crying, but no crying it out in the sense of leaving her in her crib, alone in her room, screaming. Ok, sometimes that happens but usually only because I have to go comfort Megan or pee. Ok, or sometimes for 5 minutes if I am just losing patience! We are still nowhere near to putting her down "awake but drowsy" whatever the hell that means. All the sleep books are big on it, so it must be important, but yeah, not happening. Fine by me. Nursing to sleep is natural and effective, so why mess with it while she is only 5 months old?

2. Rolls back to front. Still a bit sporadically, but she does it, and wants to do it.

3. Scooches around, kind of like a caterpillar. Gets onto her tummy, then sticks her bum way up, then reaches forward or backward, then flattens out and she has moved! Super exciting/pain in the ass.

4. Has been sick for most of the past month: nasty cold, a fever, some vomiting, some runny frequent poops that are greener and more vinegar-scented than the usual squash soup-looking stuff that just smells kind of pleasantly yeasty. Still with me? Despite that? Good.

5. Is an extrovert. No doubt about it, this kid is super outgoing. She smiles and grins at EVERYONE as if she just wants to tell them excitedly "Wow, the world is so cool! You look great! It's so fun hanging out!"

6. Naps three times a day. Occasionally this has happened in her crib, but mostly we are still into ergo naps and carseat naps. I have heard rumours that there are mommas who lie down in bed with their babies and they nap together. Weird.

7. Loves the jolly jumper and exersaucer (aka "circle of neglect"). Yay - freedom for me!

8. Puts things into her mouth. She's later than Megan was with doing this accurately and often. Right now she loves her Sophie the Giraffe toy, and sucking on washcloths for her teething.

9. Speaking of which, has no teeth yet. Still has a mohawk.

10. Still loves loves loves her big sister. This morning Megan got into the jolly jumper and Emily just thought that was the funniest, coolest thing ever.

Covering Up Is A Feminist Issue

2011-02-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

Best video I have watched in ages....enjoy!

Four Months!

2011-01-27T15:24:00.000-08:00

Here we go...less than a month after my last post, yay! Emily at four months:

1. Weighs 13 lbs 2.2 oz, more than half a pound bigger than Megan was at this age
2. Still sleeps in our bed but we at least have a crib set up in the guest room now and Emily on Saturday took her very first crib nap...for all of fifteen minutes. Then we woke her up to go out to a birthday party. Poor little second born just has to survive on everyone else's schedule. All of her other naps seem to happen in the ergo, bjorn, carseat, or someone's arms.

napping on her tummy (which we know is B-A-D but we took turns watching her the whole time and really, we all slept on our tummies in the '70s, and this way her head won't get any flatter)

3. Laughs! Especially and mainly at and with Megan. All Megan has to do is get down to Emily's level and smile, or say anything, or even call her a name, and Emily is in stitches. Megan is finally starting to believe all that stuff I've been telling her about how one day Emily will be able to play with her, and they will be best friends.

asleep in the ergo (head poking out of the awesome peekaru cover)

4. Passes toys from one hand to the other, and brings them to her mouth, with this expression of pure awe and wonder.
5. Lights up with a huge earsplitting grin when I come in to get her out of bed in the morning. In fact, Emily always wakes up smiling, and often I'll go in to check on her around 8:30am, after I've finished all the morning Megan tasks, and Emily will just be lying there, awake and quiet, then this huge grin lights her up when she sees me/Megan/Brad.
6. Is trying desperately to roll from her back to her tummy. Getting closer every day! Right on schedule with what Megan did - Megan first did this within a week of hitting four months, so we have told Emily that the pressure's on:)
7. Blows raspberries! Well, technically this started yesterday, a day after she turned four months, but whatever. Important skill and developmental milestone in my books because we can now communicate with each other by blowing raspberries back and forth.
8. Eyes. Not brown still. WTF???

Hanging out with her big sister

9. Poops explosively and often. Megan pooped, uh, less forcefully and diapers hardly ever leaked. Emily several times a week blows out a diaper if we have her in a Bumgenius (pocket) diaper or over-wets and creates leaks in a disposable. The only thing that contains her FORCE is the two part systems (prefold/fitted + cover).
10. Loves loves loves her mama.

Three Months!

2011-01-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

Emily at three months:

Does not come close to sleeping through the night. Woke up five times the other night. We were away at a hotel which is supposed to mean SLEEP LOTS but Emily didn't get the memo. We are going through such a rough sleep patch with her. I was all "Megan was such a better sleeper at this age!" until I re-read some posts from March 2008. Turns out Megan was a crappy sleeper at this age too! Then we implemented an irritatingly rigid bedtime routine and put her in a crib in her own bedroom and things improved. We are setting up the crib for Emily this weekend in hopes that all the co-sleeping we never really planned on doing will end even though I somewhat love it on the nights where she wakes up only once or twice and settles back to sleep easily in my arms.
Loves watching her big sister. It is fairly heartwarming to see how Megan and Emily can make each other smile.
Rolls from her tummy to her back. She has been doing this since she was 4 weeks and 6 days old because she is a super-genius, but it has become more reliable recently. Both of my kids have rolled early. Then pretty much done nothing else particularly early. And I know from experience that kids who didn't roll until 6 months ended up walking just as well as Megan, so Early Rolling is really fairly meaningless in the big scheme of things. But still - exciting!
Laughs. Especially when Megan gives her raspberry kisses on her belly.
Has a much louder cry than she did at two months old. Damn.
Loves it when Megan helps change her diaper. I kind of love it too because it can kill a good twenty minutes while we coo and gush over Emily on the floor, and Megan uses about fifty cloths to ensure a thorough wiping has been done.
Still has bluish murkily beautiful eyes. Brown eyes are beautiful too, but there is something pretty genetically cool about her having lighter eyes.
Has started developing cradle crap just like Megan had until she was around two and finally had enough hair to cover it up.
Wears 3-6 month clothes. Well, sleepers, since 90% of the time she's still wearing sleepers day and night. She is growing into her long flipper feet nicely. It is amazing that she is growing at all considering the amount she spits up!
size 7.5 foot on the left, Emily's amazing output on the right!
Has a very cheerful personality. Laughs and smiles so so much, flashes those dimples at strangers in the grocery store line-up just as easily as she grins when I come into the room.

Playing Family

2010-12-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

Megan: We are going to play family.

Me: Ok.

Megan: I will be the mommy. You be the daddy.

Me: Ok! Should I make soup?

Megan: NO!

Me: Should I do some cleaning?

Megan: NO!

Me: Change Shrekbaby's diaper?

Megan: NO! Don't talk!

Me: Can I sit on the couch?

Megan: NO! You are going to sit on the carpet, you are the DADDY.

a few minutes later:

Megan: Mommy will you play camping with me?

Me: Ok!

Megan: I will be the Daddy and you will be the grandma.

Me: Ok. Can I collect firewood?

Megan: NO!

Me: Can I check on the baby?

Megan: NO!

Me: Can I use my computer?

Megan: NO! We are camping! DON'T TALK!

fin

Portrait of a Three Year Old

2010-12-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

Where did the time go? How in earth has my first baby, who was so recently a squirmy noodly bundle in my arms, become this walking, running, creating, imagining three year old? It is so amazing to experience. I am so lucky.

Two Months!

2010-11-25T07:25:00.000-08:00

As of today my baby girl Emily is two whole months old! Here are the highlights:

Sleeps a lot, with distractions and everything, including sleeping through mom and baby yoga, mom and baby boot camp, and our many hikes and walks. In general - awesome sleeper. By writing this down I have probably jinxed it and am facing a month or more of sleeplessness.She still spends the first portion of every night in her carseat, then spends the rest of the night in bed with me, sometimes in the co-sleeper, sometimes in my arms. I love snuggling with her!
Smiles when you smile at her, loves it when we say "coo coo" or "gooo goooo" over and over while smiling idiotically in her face. I think she's maybe mocking us.
Loves her change table, just like Megan did at this age. We can spend AGES with her naked on that table, grinning up at the picture we have on the wall.
Has had, uh, five whole baths so far, and loves them. Loves. At this age we bathed Megan every night, but with Emily we just don't have timeand really, she's not very dirty.
Is starting to outgrow some newborn clothes and close to outgrowing newborn cloth diapers, which makes me very sad. I bought several new cloth diapers for Emily including some super-cute diaper covers and can't believe that at two months old she's almost done with them. Boo hoo.
Cluster feeds every evening. And I kind of love it...it's this nice cozy time, only rendered mildly unpleasant when Emily's gassiness/reflux kicks into high gear and she spits up big rivers down my back. For some reason I am never adequately prepared with a burp cloth in the right place at the right time. Megan just wasn't a spit-uppy baby, and it's hard to get used to.
Is interested in toys! Loves to kick and grab at the dangly toys in her bouncy rocker chair, and loves towatch the mobile in her bassinet.
Likes to watch Megan.Doing pretty anything at all. Gives Megan some pretty ear-splitting grins, which make Megan smile back even if she was in the middle of some huge tantrum-y toddler drama.
Drinks pumped milk from a bottle twice a week...increasingly reluctantly, but she does it, which gives me at least some freedom.
Lost all the hair on top of head, and the band of hair at the back of her head. It seems to be growing back, still pretty dark. Her eyes are not quite brown yet but they are on the way, sometimes dark blue, sometimes hazel-y.

I am so in love with this baby! To the point where I feel guilty sometimes for not having enjoyed and savoured Megan's infancy nearly as much. I remember dreading the nights, having huge difficulty getting back to sleep after each middle of the night feeding....and with Emily I kind of love her once a night wake-up, love cuddling and snuggling with her during those peaceful moments when it's just the two of us.

Parent Teacher Conference

2010-11-24T12:17:00.000-08:00

This morning I attended my first-ever parent-teacher conference at Megan's daycare. I suddenly felt like such a grown-up!! Before I forget what was said, I thought I'd document it here for posterity:

Large gross motor skills - great, exactly where they should be for an almost three year old; impressed with her mad bike riding skillz (on a balance push bike)
Small group (fine) motor skills - good, getting better at holding crayons, pencil crayons, drawing purposefully. Still needs more practice with scissors. No idea if she is right or left handed yet - still uses both at different times, and if, say the scissors aren't working so well on the right, she'll switch to the left quite seamlessly and they'll suddenly work there for a while.
Favourite activities - dramatic play, the "house corner," setting up pretend picnics, cooking pretend food, pretend birthday parties
Friends - Olivia, Anderson, and...dammit already forgotten the other random kid she plays with...BUT, in general is not one to seek out friends and will happily play independently (WTF??? why won't she do that at home???) or read a book by herself
Self care - great, but, uh, can you parents maybe send her with some shoes she can put on herself to save us all a lot of time? We can't be putting on 20 kids' shoes every time we go out you know
Toileting - perfect, no issues. What, she hates washing her hands at home? No problems with that here, Mom.
Discipline - needs lots. Laughs in daycare teachers' faces when she doesn't want to do something. (Hey! That's what she does to Brad and I!) Best recommended strategies - be firm, give consequences and stick to them (we do that one!), don't let her get away with things, ignore. Is into testing boundaries (duh).
Circle time - easily distracted, will randomly shout something out loud, completely unrelated to whatever is going on in the circle, or even walk away and need to be redirected back to the group.
Eating - seems to get the same sandwich every day and eat it. No complaints there but if we want to try something different we can, in case we didn't realize that. The truth is I am extremely uncreative and hate wasting food. She can try new foods at dinner or on the weekends with us when we can use small amounts, but for daycare I want to know she won't be hungry. Plus, I'm uncreative. And lazy. And the occasional effort to try something different (pita with banana and nutella! hummous and wraps!) have been unsuccessful. So apple butter and almond butter it is, with a fruit, a veggie, a yogurt, and something else more treat-like such as dried cranberries or raisins or smoked tofu or cheddar bunny crackers.
Relationships with teachers - great. Seems to like them all and they all find her quirky and funny. Yes, all 2-3 year olds are quirky and funny.
Naps - resists nap time, completely refused to get onto her little mat thingy yesterday in fact, but is very glassy eyed by 4pm if she doesn't nap. Try to put her to bed early! What - she goes at 6:45 recently and sleeps 11-12 hours? Huh.
Attendance - try to get her here a bit earlier than 9:30am so she can have free play time before we start to clean up at 9:40. Thanks. We know you're on mat leave and have to learn how to get two kids to get out the door every day, just thought we'd mention it.
Generally - is a riot. Loud. Funny. Awesome and amazing vocabulary. Fantastic imagination. Yes, most 2-3 year olds have big imaginations, but your kid's still special. But loud, did we mention she has a loud voice? Good. Just making sure. We love your kid!

One Month!

2010-10-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

At one month, Emily:

Sleeps a lot, preferably in someone's arms or with her head against a boob
Is still a fantastically enthusiastic feeder
Has been gaining around an ounce a day putting her at over eight and a half pounds already
On a related note - is getting chubby thighs and cheeks
Sleeps the night with me, both in my arms and in the co-sleeper, although she starts off most nights in the carseat in the spare bedroom with Brad so that I can be guaranteed 3-4 hours of solid sleep to make up for the hourly to bi-hourly feedings that fill the rest of the night
Hates being swaddled (unlike Megan who LOVED it)
Doesn't cry much and is easy to soothe (I may be jinxing things by even daring to write this)
Finally lost her umbilical cord stump at three weeks old and has a super cute belly button
Is portable! Far far easier to tote around than, say, an almost three year old, and far lighter to carry too! And doesn't yell out "don't talk Mommy, I'm talking, don't sing dat, I am singing dat, you will sing when I say to" when we're in the car!
Looks like this:

And also like this:

But I mainly think of her like this:

My amazingly dimpled little baby girl.

I Had A Baby!

2010-10-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

Emily Sage was born on September 25. 7 pounds. A c-section again after a long and exhausting labour that just did not progress past 2 cm, which was very disappointing, but when we found out that my uterus had almost ruptured at one place in the scar, we were quite relieved that we were at the hospital and that we have access to such great healthcare. The midwife and doula were amazing supports, during labour and recovery. Speaking of which, I'm still recovering from being sliced open, but at least this time, well, we're finding a newborn to be kind of....uneventful! Boring even! Thankfully Emily is healthy, a fantastic feeder, and is still young enough to sleep away the majority of her days.

And now I'm on maternity leave again for a whole year! Megan's in daycare full time which has probably also contributed to how simple it seems being home with a newborn. Once I'm into a routine with Emily and we're sleeping more, I'll probably keep Megan home a bit more often for playdates and activities etc, but for now we're pretty happy to have a nice quiet house all day. Every time she comes near me, I am awed by what a gigantic, mature child she has become. Oh and petrified whenever she runs at me, as her head is just about in line with my big-ass scar, as are her feet whenever she wants to snuggle with me in bed or on the couch. So far the scar has been untouched, and Megan is adjusting probably as well as could be expected. As long as she gets some one on one time with me every day, she seems ok.

The real test will come when Brad goes back to work next week and I am on my own for daycare drop off, breakfast, and organizing my time. Still, it's already seeming so much smoother of a transition than going from no kids to one kid, and for that we are so thankful.

Things On Megan's Mind

2010-08-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

Something New Every Day

2010-05-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

Megan quite regularly comes home from daycare in a different outfit than she started out in. On days when she starts in striped leggings and a busy-print animals shirt (guess who insists on dressing herself most days), this actually calms me because her back up outfits and the daycare's backups-for-the-backups are all nice and bland. So she often falls in mud, gets wet at the water table, spills/hurls paint all over herself, or gets "pushed by Owen into a wall" and comes home in her back up outfit.

Tuesday was one of those days.

By the time I got home, Brad had been home with her for a while. "Did she have an accident?" I asked. Brad paused, looked at Megan like he was trying to remember something significant. Then it came to him.

"Oh yeah......she had an accident. She fell in the toilet at daycare!"*

Then we laughed our faces off for a while until Megan ran out of the kitchen yelling "I going pee in da big toe-lit" and then, a couple minutes later triumphantly yelled "I go pee in da big toe-lit and didn't fall in!"

We were so proud.

*The toilets at daycare are toddler sized, but Megan has a tiny bum, and has been battling the tiny toddler toilets ever since she started refusing to use the Baby Bjorn insert seats a couple of weeks ago.

Light Reading

2010-05-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

...and that's pretty much how things are going with #2 this week. All VBAC reading all the time.

Number Two

2010-05-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

What everyone says about second pregnancies is completely true - they get a lot less attention than first pregnancies. Mainly from the parents. We are always so busy with Megan and how amazing she is that it's hard to feel excited about what's growing inside of me. And as of today #2 is 20 weeks old! Halfway there! And I've written all of one blog post about her. She is amazing too - has a spine, perfect heart, perfect length legs, and seems to be way way more active than Megan ever was. And she has a bubbly belly, enjoys waving her fists around and crossing her legs, and even gulping down amniotic fluid. Yum. Can you tell that we had the ultrasound today?! The best thing about this ultrasound was watching Megan's reactions. When the Technician left the room to print pictures, Megan wanted to climb up on the table with me. She lay down on her back, hiked up her t-shirt, and demanded "I want an ultrasound!" Then it was "I want a uterus!" and then giggles and a pat on her belly and "There's no baby in there!" It was all pretty awesome.

Brad and I were left guiltily underwhelmed with the news of another girl, which surprised us both. Girls are great right? Less chance of autism/adhd/colour blindness/hemophilia/piles of other problems than boys! And cute! And cheaper to feed (none of that 4 litres of milk a day business that teenaged boys are famous for). Plus we won't need to buy new clothes, shoes and non-pink accessories! All that aside, I'd be lying if I said we weren't a teensy bit disappointed that we will likely never find out what it's like to raise a boy.

BUT.....we are relieved she's healthy and growing like a weed, and Megan is excited about getting a baby sister. And we are already planting ideas in Megan's head about how close her and her sister will become, and how they will be best friends. I really really hope to foster a close relationship between them - would love to see them giggling and playing and eventually excluding us from their fun. And oh, my hormonally pregnant self gets all teary eyed just thinking about what the future may hold for our girls!

Hola and Adios

2010-04-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well, we were supposed to fly out this morning. Vancouver-Montreal-Paris. Then a volcano erupted in Iceland, and we spent several days feeling increasingly pessimistic about the odds we'd be going anywhere today. We signed up for Air Canada to text us as soon as the flight was cancelled. The flight to Montreal was scheduled for 11am this morning; the flight to Paris was scheduled for 7:50pm this evening, arriving in Paris at 8:30am.

The text never came. The Air Canada website never said the flight was cancelled. We called and it was confirmed that the flight was departing on time.

Hooray! We must be one of the first flights landing in Paris on Tuesday morning when they reopen their airspace! We are lucky! And optimistic!

We packed bags, dropped Megan at daycare, then went to the airport feeling mildly silly about believing we were going anywhere, but also mildly optimistic!

Got to the checkout counter. Flight cancelled. Refunds ensued.

We went and booked another trip, to the Mayan Riviera, to an all-inclusive which I never EVER thought I'd do. Vacation just to be catered to by people living a wildly lower standard of life than I do? Take advantage of Canada's relative wealth and rub it in the faces of people who are not so fortunate? Me? Never!

But. Flights to anywhere good at the last minute were really expensive, and no one was booking anything to Europe. And we have a very specific time frame because of Brad's work and our second kid and our summer plans and...whatever, we kind of have to be off work these two weeks since we've already booked the time, and coverage has been arranged. So, snorkelling and ruins-trekking we shall go, on Thursday. Fine, we can make the best of that. We realize how very privileged we are to go ANYWHERE, and how much luckier we are than so many people in the world and, yeah, thankful all around.

THEN. We checked online just now. The flight to Paris from Montreal has just departed and will be one of the first to land at Charles de Gualle airport on Tuesday morning. It is re-opening at 8am. Many very elated people are likely on board crowing about their luck, and two people in particular are sitting in our seats, wondering how they got so lucky.

I guess the flight was never really cancelled for Montrealers, just for folks like us, coming from other cities, otherwise destined to possibly be stranded in Montreal at Air Canada's expense. There was always a chance the flight would go ahead. They simply would not let us onto the flight to Montreal this morning, no way no how, just gave us our refunds and sent us on our way.

So we are mourning a trip that never was and never will be under exactly these perfect circumstances - Megan taken care of, no second child to worry about, ten romantic days in Paris in springtime. And we are stewing about Air Canada - why on earth wouldn't they let us onto that flight to Montreal to take our chances? What can we do about it?

So far, all I've thought of is writing about it, soliciting sympathy from others, and venting our rage on whatever websites I can find. So far I have only commented on NY Times site - I was the 260-something commenter. At least we know are not alone.

Adios Amigas.

Allons-y!

2010-04-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

The advantage of infrequent blogging is that one can limit it to Big Exciting News. Megan is potty trained! I'm pregnant! We're going to Paris on Monday without our kid!

All true! Brad and I, knowing what we have coming our way in September with #2, remembering the blurry sleeplessness and craziness of the newborn days, booked us a vacation to Paris for ten days. I'll repeat the selfish/exciting part: without Megan. In all caps: WITHOUT MEGAN.

We really really love and adore everything about Megan. Except the tantrum-y meltdown two year old stuff, we could do without that. And her most frequent time-out-inducing activity: pulling Carson's tail. And reading the same books over and over and over and over again. But the charming stuff we love. I used to be totally disgusted by crusty nosed toddlers, but when Megan is all snotty it really doesn't bother me at all! I even love her kisses, which often include a bit

too much tongue and some rank two year old breath (YOU try getting a brush in there effectively, I dare you!). I love carrying her around, and feeling her little arms grab me in a hug. I love hearing her sing, and recognizing songs I haven't heard since my sister was two years old...most recently "I'm bringing home my baby bumble bee," complete with hand motions. I love watching her sleep, and am thankful and thrilled with the ease with which she picks up new words and concepts (raising a genius! like every other parent!). I love watching her sense of humour and imagination develop. How she asks "Carson have eyes?" or mixes up her pronouns, asking "Daddy pick you up from daycare?" My heart melts for this child, and I am amazed by her every single day.

But. I am also aware of my limits and my sanity, and how busy my life already is with just one kid. I am so grateful to have supportive family who can take care of my baby so that Brad and I can have one more trip, just the two of us, before we become a family of four.

Since I Seem to Have Trouble Finding Things to Write About....

2010-03-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

Here's one: Megan is getting a new sibling sometime around September 28! Based on last time, this probably means we will be blessed with a newborn around October 10.

We are excited. Megan keeps insisting it will be a sister, and that we should name her Truck or Flower.

I am happy that Megan will get to experience having a sibling. Even if they become totally different people, it is so nice to know that someone in this big world knows your roots and has a shared history from your earliest days. I really hope that Megan and Number Two are able to enjoy that feeling someday.

So far I feel good. A few weeks of nausea and exhaustion but otherwise pretty lucky once again to be able to have a healthy, active pregnancy. I've finally started telling work, family and friends, and it's such a relief not to be keeping a big secret anymore.

Now we have six months to fret, prepare, grow, and organize. And declutter. And finish the damn Megan's First Year scrapbook.

Interestingly the most recent post on The Cheeseblog lists the pros and cons of having two kids. If only we had read THAT about 3 months ago!

Confession

2010-03-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

I don't really like taking Megan to the playground. Well, I like new-to-me playgrounds. For the first five minutes until I have seen and possibly tried all the equipment. Then boredom sets in. Taking a two year old to a playground at a time when there's rarely other parents around to talk to is kind of...boring. It's a lot of standing around, and I hate standing around. It's also a lot of "PUSH-EE ONDA SWING" which quite frankly makes me a bit nauseous. And bored. So I confess, I do not like the playground after about five minutes, unless there is fantastic adult company right nearby.

Playgrounds are probably one of those things that parents miss when their kids outgrow them though, right? An activity that brings so much joy for free shouldn't be scorned. Someday Megan will want to ... hang out at a mall? with friends? sit in her room for four years of adolescence all alone and moody? And THEN I am sure I'll miss the simple days of the playground, and miss how easy it is to fix most of the things that can go wrong with a hug or an ice pack or a half an hour on the swings.

Yes, my child could happily last half an hour on the swings. We are kind of so bored of swings that we rarely take pictures on them anymore, just more of gleeful, joy-filled little Megan grinning and shrieking and making me feel guilty as hell for EVER complaining.

Potty Animal

2010-02-05T19:13:00.000-08:00

Somehow, without really trying or being goal-oriented at all, Megan seems to be potty training herself. She goes to daycare in underwear and stays in them all day! She uses public bathrooms with me, with the help of her little folding potty seat insert! We clap and cheer and wootwoot at the top of our lungs and she just gets more and more proud and confident!

And seriously, no huge idea how it happened. I mean, we have had a potty and a toilet seat insert (the bumbo seat) for ages, and we have a book about a little gender neutral toddler learning how to use the potty, and we always let Megan come with us to the bathroom and talk about what we're doing, but still...I thought it would require stickers or smarties or charts or something.

Tonight we went out for dinner, both in our big girl underwear. No accidents. Two potty breaks during dinner, but no accidents. The second time we went, there was a girl that looked at least three and a half up on the Koala Kare station getting changed. I felt almost embarrassed for that girl's momma as Megan marched into a stall and talked herself loudly through all the steps of peeing on the potty. Then we got home and she pooped in the potty! Incredible and rather mind boggling.

It's all still pretty new...the first time Megan actually squeezed a few drops out was only a week or so ago. The novelty could wear off and she could regress, or miss diapers or something. Totally fine with me. She has taught herself this amazing skill and even if it disappears for a while, I know it will be back.

Transit Saturday aka Our Tax Dollars At Work

2010-01-23T15:25:00.001-08:00

After a quick morning hike today, we headed to Granville Island via seabus, Canada Line, and then the brand new Olympic Street Car. Quite the ordeal, but totally worth it. We were just annoyed that the rest of the world will see all those self-congratulatory posters and billboards on which the City of Vancouver has declared itself to be "Green Capital of the World" or some such nonsense, and see the streetcar that runs for all of a mile, and believe all the hype.

I wish I could more publicly (than this) set the record straight abour the crazy traffic into and out of town, the insanity that is the Port Mann Bridge, and don't even get me started on the jam-packed-with-cars, regularly-closed-due-to-police-incident Lion's Gate Bridge. We really have a very very very long way to go to really be a "green capital." Most of the Lower Mainland has no practical, efficient access to desirable transit. Anyway since WE do here in North Van, I will get off my soapbox and share a few pics from our awesomely epic lunch adventure.

A Struggle

2010-01-20T14:31:00.000-08:00

I am really struggling with the blogging these days. Lots and lots happens every day, and I know from reading other blogs that many amusing anecdotes or sappy sentiments could be drawn from the basic everyday happenings, but I just struggle. Struggle to find and make time, struggle with how much to share now that Megan is getting older. Struggle with how much more prolific and witty and eloquent other bloggers are.

Here is the story of today so far. I have the day off, and have had it booked since ... March-ish! That's how long it takes to get a specialist appointment about your kid's pigeon toed-ness. 10 months.

We took the bus downtown then took the Canada Line to BC Children's Hospital. Megan chatted and blabbed on and on to everyone in sight, always asking what we were doing, what "dat man DOO-ing?"and letting EVERYONE know we were on the bus/train. Super cute to a zillion morning commuters who aren't getting to hang out with their kids today, I'm sure.

We got to the hospital ridiculously early and then had to entertain ourselves - stood in a big Starbucks line, then played in a waiting room that had a good play area, then walked slowly over to our building. The appointment itself was underwhelming, and they pronounced Megan's feet close to fine, and although she'll never walk perfectly straight, she doesn't have any deformity that needs correcting. Phew. I thought it had gotten better and was pretty relieved.

Then we visited with my old co-workers, walked down Cambie, stopping for pizza for lunch then some browsing, then took the train back downtown and the bus home.

It has so far been a profoundly wonderful day. And I struggle with the fact that my writing can't possibly capture Megan's grin on the bus, or the way she yelled "BYE PEOPLE" as they got off the bus. I can't accurately describe how cute she was at the Flying Wedge, chatting up a little boy about his rainboots (WED! aka RED!). How impressed the doctors were with her insanely irrepressible nonstop chatter. How impressed I felt when she knew that her boots were brown, after what seems like MONTHS of calling everything "LELLOW." And that is why I struggle with blogging. It just seems so inadequate sometimes, and my own lack of commitment and often-crappy writing is just so frustrating! Plus, do people just want to see pictures anyway?

With that off my chest, let's hope that my next written post can come sooner than a month from now.

My Sister Used to Stomp Around in My Mom's High Heels

2010-01-14T07:24:00.003-08:00

...Megan has to make do with these:

She doesn't seem to mind too much.

Why Is This A Role Reversal?

2009-12-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

I worked this week and daycare was closed. Brad had a pile of unused vacation (LOSER!) so he spent three full weekdays with Megan.* It was awesome having him home in the morning while I got ready for work - usually he leaves at 6:30am, so when Megan gets up anywhere between 7 and 8, I have to get both of us ready and out the door. This is often a hugely stressful part of my day - it can be messy, Megan's often not on my timeline, and of course I feel incredibly guilty about rushing her along. Well, strictly speaking, I feel guilty for wanting to rush her along instead of wanting to dawdle and hang out for as long as possible.

I LOVED going to work all day knowing that Brad is with Megan, and still getting to spend the day having adult conversations that aren't about my kid and enjoying uninterrupted cups of coffee. I came home at the end of each day and heard about the adventures, and got a lot more detail from Brad than I ever would from daycare.

While I worked away in my peaceful little office Brad and Megan played, built block towers, broke a few dishes, hiked evey day, swam and went to the library and I wasn't jealous one bit, just happy that they could enjoy all that time together.

Brad did comment several times that it didn't really feel like he was on vacation. Fine with me! I was quite happy to have him understand that my thirteen months of maternity leave were not actually the relaxapalooza that he'd always assumed they were:)

*The comment I heard several times that totally irritated me was when people would say that Brad was "babysitting" this week. No one ever says that when I take care of Megan, why on earth do they say that when Brad does? MAJOR pet peeve of mine. It's 2010, not the 1950s!

ps - Happy New Year!

Dear Daycare

2009-12-18T21:56:00.001-08:00

Dear Daycare,

We pay a lot of money to you every month because you take good care of our precious perfect amazing toddler Megan. Thank you.

Please note that we are not in need of any more crafts. Ever. Except the big sheets of paper with paint slathered all over - those are good for wrapping Christmas presents.

But the crafts we do not need include:

- the construction paper letters with themed glue-ons, such as the "B" covered in buttons, balls, bells, bits of paper. We know that you can understand, recognize, and cut out the letter "B" and did not need this proof

- ditto for all the other letters and associated glue-ons

- the paper plate with two googly eyes and a red construction paper triangle and a big mass of something fluffy along the bottom that was allegedly "Santa." Megan only knows about Santa because of you. She cannot cut construction paper at all, much less into perfect triangles, and would never have put the eyes in place so precisely - I sense you are placing a glue-dabbed gooogly eye in her hand and "helping" her to stick it on. This does not count as "art made by my child"

- the construction paper fish with tissue paper glued-on scales. I think you are using too much construction paper and too much glue. And there's no way my kid cut out that perfect fish shape, so again, this does not count as "My kid made this" art.

- the construction paper orange phallus with the small green pom pom at one end that helpfully said "carrot" on the back along with "Megan".

You may sense a theme here. We love to see art that MEGAN does, not "art" that the teachers pre-cut, plan, and anally execute through the innocent hands of babes.

Yours sincerely,
Megan's Parents

ps - please keep taking care of her, thanks

Two!

2009-12-15T22:55:00.000-08:00

How on earth did we get from here?

To here?

I am so very lucky and thankful for the most loving, wonderfully exciting two years of my life.

Happy birthday Megan!

MINE!

2009-11-30T21:50:00.000-08:00

These days, a typical dinner conversation at our house:

Me: Megan can I have a bite of your macaroni and cheese?

Megan: No. MINE.

After dinner conversation at our house:

Me: Megan can Momma hold baby? (referring to her teddy bear swaddled in a baby blanket)

Megan: No. MINE.

Apparently typical conversation at daycare:

Random unnamed kid: *grabs for toy Megan's playing with*

Megan: No. MINE. *clutches toy with all her might*

Random unnamed kid: *beats the crap out of Megan - claws and scratches at her face and eyes*

Daycare Worker: *breaks up fight*

Daycare Worker: *plans what to tell Brad and how to keep random kid nameless so we don't go after his/her parents*

Congratulations to me! I have a typical (almost) two year old!

Megan eating birthday cake at her friend's birthday on Sunday. In a chair across the room from the table the other kids were sitting at. Because of course... MINE.

All Done Nina!

2009-11-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

Megan seems to learn phrases or sentences, memorize them and use them appropriately, without actually understanding how grammar works (this must be common for toddlers right?). She'll say "It's raining out" but she really doesn't understand the use of "it" or contractions, or what "out" adds to that sentence. She hears it at daycare a lot, so she repeats it whenever it's raining. She also commonly says "It's cold out"....same thing. No real comprehension of the grammar behind that sentence, but she knows it's the right thing to say when it's cold. Fair enough.

Last night after dinner, she said "All done Nina!" and then she said it again after breakfast this morning: "All done Nina!"

One of the daycare workers is named Nina. No one in our house is named Nina or anything even close to Nina.

I think I just might know where she got this phrase. Bunch of daycare kids at round tables eating lunch or snack are told to say "All done Nina" and then Nina comes and helps them clean up. Hear that phrase enough, and bingo - you've learned the catchall for what to say when you're finished eating!

Unnecessary

2009-11-05T08:49:00.000-08:00

Introducing....Megan's completely unnecessary to the point of ridiculous PONYTAIL!!!

...and her messy face as she dabbles in two containers of yogurt while balanced precariously on a chair in my usual desperation to find her Something To Do.

In other unnecessary news, we went trick or treating on Halloween with Megan and four other toddlers. Their parents came too, it's not like they dropped their kids off so that Brad and I could celebrate the evening with them. It was awesome fun! Megan totally understood everything about the routine of going up to the door, knocking, saying "TIKUHTEEE" getting candy in her bag, and saying thank you.

The unnecessary part? The candy! Megan hadn't really seen candy before, so she had NO IDEA what she was getting in her bag. Which we called a purse because she likes purses. She just adored getting "stuff" that was brightly coloured in crinkly wrappers in her purse! After she went to bed we ate a bunch of her candy, threw out the icky stuff and voila! Halloween success minus the candy. I love the innocence of a 22 month old and just know that by next year my almost three year old will almost certainly be much much more worldly.

It must be so weird for Megan (and other toddlers) - randomly we dress her and her friends up like stuffed animals, take them out in the dark, walk up to strange houses and knock on doors and get stuff.....then we don't do it again the next night or really ever mention it much again! At least this year Megan was old enough to appreciate the Halloween decorations - some of the neighbours went all out, and she totally knew something special was going on. Last year we took her and another little one out and they really had NO CLUE that they were even in costume, much less that there was anything strange or different about the houses we visited. Plus, they couldn't walk, and her one friend only had two teeth, so there was NO CHANCE anyone believed the candy was for anyone other than their parents. It's amazing how much changes in a year.

2009-11-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

We have had yet more busy busy around here with a pile of sick sick sick thrown in for good measure.

Two weeks ago Brad left for a work trip and I was on my own, which was fine until two days into the trip when I started coughing. Bad enough that on Thursday I pulled something in my back just from coughing. And Megan was getting sick but I was ignoring it and dropping her off at daycare quicker every morning, in hopes that no worker there would notice and send her home with me. See, I'd rather go to work sick-ish than stay home all day sick having to take care of my sick kid. Hi there, Eva's warped mind!

I had decided that I'd stay home sick with Megan on Friday, then something came up at work, so I showered, made lunch, dressed us both AND loaded her up with orange juice, then did the now-familiar quickie dropoff. By noon I was fading into coughs and went home sick. At 2ish daycare I got The Call from daycare, and had to do the Drive of Shame to go pick her up. Her and her 101.5 fever. I sobbed as I drove, feeling like the worst mother ever, because what kind of monster sends a sick kid to daycare?

When I got there, Megan and another little boy were lying on their tummies, shirts off, with cool damp cloths on their backs, and one of the workers was rubbing their backs. "Poor little tragic Megan" I thought, while immediately thinking "Yay! I'm not the only monster mother who sent a sick kid in today! I'm not the worst!" A third kid was also getting sent home, so I really didn't feel that bad after all. Well, other than the Sick taking Sicker home thing.

We spent last weekend sick but getting better, and I had help from a few people without whom I would have lost my mind at having to stay home and Be Sick. We stayed home last Monday as well, but by then things were mostly ok. Still lots of coughing (me!) and sleeping (Megan!) but we were well enough to venture to Ikea. Which - sidenote - BIG mistake. Sick kids don't belong in chaotic commercialized environments. Sick mommas especially don't belong in chaotic commercialized environments with sick kids having constant meltdowns over NOTHING but how shitty they feel.

I spent the whole week coughing and scaring the hell out of people. "IT'S NOT H1N1 I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S JUST A COLD" became my catchphrase. And Brad came home on Wednesday and all was right again. I had support and hugs and help. I don't know how single parents do it. Being sick and taking care of a sick kid is very stressful. I know how lucky I am.

File This Under "WTF"

2009-10-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

This is what was hanging from Megan's cubby at daycare today. On October 19. By a fellow daycare child - let's face it, mom - who just didn't have enough to do with her weekend. Who has to fill individual cellophane bags with homemade Martha-esque cards and little chocolates, and label them, one for each of the 14 kids in the Toddler Program at daycare. Who probably has a to-do list of "Halloween Items" that includes "14 days before Halloween: hand make cards and stuff into cute themed bags with chocolates and individual labels" and "12 days before Halloween: distribute bags to the correct cubbies at daycare".

I can barely get it together enough to pack a lunch every day. In fact once Megan is a little bit older she will likely be taking those prepacked Whole Foods kid lunches more often than not, just so I don't have to get all organized every night and spread nut butter on bread. Then cut into small pieces. Then scoop yogurt into a small container. Then chop olives and cheese for another small container. Then wash grapes/tomatoes/random small produce and put them into yet another small container. Until today, my excuse for this complete lack of creativity and complete task-resentment has been "boo hoo, poor me, I have to work full time, of COURSE there's no way I could cook or bake or craft!"

And this mother has the nerve to be SOOOO organized that 12 full days before Halloween she just MUST put excess packaging and sugar (which I ate to save Megan's teeth because I am that good of a mom) and charming crafting out on display for all of us to see and take home? Next I'll find out that she cleans her bathroom and does it with a smile on her face.

I pity poor Aiden-of-2030 already. No future spouse of his will EVER come CLOSE to putting in the effort on his behalf that his mother did for him today.

My Day Off

2009-10-17T10:55:00.000-07:00

I had the day off from being momma yesterday, as Brad took Megan out to visit with family in Abbotsford. We have had some very rough mornings and bedtimes recently so I was very thankful for this break...especially since Brad left this morning for a work trip for up to two weeks.

What? Rough mornings and bedtimes? With a toddler? NO WAY.

Megan has been grumpy and clingy in the mornings, which are of course already stressful with so much to do before we get out the door at 7:45am every day. The last couple of days I'd be lying if I didn't say that I left extra early and just drove around waiting to be able to drop her off at daycare and have the relative peace and rationality of work.

I don't know how stay at home moms do it, except that at least they don't really have to be anywhere - sure there's classes and story times and playdates...but those just aren't the same as work. They can be skipped without even having a valid reason! Is this the terrible twos hitting nice and early at 22 months? Or is it related to her sleeping issues? For well over a year now we have given Megan a bottle of milk (I know I know I KNOW this should stop soon, like about 10 months ago!) then put her to bed every night and not heard a peep from her until the morning. Sure, there have been some ungodly early morning wake ups, but the evenings have been peaceful. We could have sitters put her to bed and they also had no trouble, no tears. For the past couple of weeks though, we've had some nights where we put her down, same routine as always, and within minutes she starts screaming. And screaming. And it can last for half an hour, sometime before which Brad goes in to cuddle her, but the one night I was here alone I left her and it kind of killed me inside, but has kind of worked for the last two nights. That could be because it was the weekend, when we DON'T have anywhere to be the next day so Murphy's Law kicked in or something.

Ok, I started typing this yesterday. Yesterday after my rough week, when I just didn't know how I was going to face all this one on one time with Megan, since my parents will be away for the next couple of weeks as well. I was dreading the first time I'd have to do the bath and bedtime by myself* and dreading this feeling that I was slowly building an antagonistic relationship with Megan. She just seems so much calmer around other people, and really loses it around me sometimes, weeping uncontrollably or banging her head when she's angry or frustrated.

Then today happened. One of those dreamy perfect days where Megan was cute and giggly, fun and cuddly, smart and as witty as a kid with one word sentences can be. Where she napped for an hour and a half. Where she kicked and blew bubbles on command at swimming lessons. Where she charmed people while we were out for lunch** Where she hugged the dog and asked for her grandma, and where, oh yes, I remembered what an amazing little person she is. Where I felt guilty for all my negative-nelly thoughts, and for wishing I had one of those "easy going" toddlers.

And now I am off to knock on wood or throw salt over my shoulder or something, because after this write-up? I totally expect and deserve a 5am wake-up, breakfast-throwing kind of Monday morning.

*I know...boo hoo...lots of single parents out there aren't nearly as spoiled as I am, and lots of husbands are away for a lot longer (holler military folks)
** eating out typically proves to be better described as "messy" or "active" or "busy" or even "apologetic to waitstaff for the mess" but hardly ever "charming"

Things That Make Me Go Hmmmm

2009-10-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

Megan copies everything I say or do these days. Which is how I learned of my following tendencies:

Saying "hmmmm" excessively. Seriously, I say it a LOT and never noticed before! Every damn time I say it? My little mini-me echo says it right back. Guess what? It's a SUPER-ANNOYING habit. Am trying to be more conscious of it so that Megan doesn't get beat up in kindergarten for excessive hmmmm-ing.

Saying "grody." Really, has ANYONE said that word since the 80s? I have! And Megan calls me on it every time!

Saying "crap" which has become my substitute for "fuck" whenever I drop something, fall, trip, stub my toe, bump my funny bone, run a yellow-almost-red light. Guess who copies me every time? She does sound much cuter saying "cap!" than I ever will muttering "Crap."

I also have a tendency these days to be too busy to blog. Or to have lost some interest in blogging since all the other blogging mamas seem to have more home time and less work time than I do and I'm jealous. Even though work is great and challenging and yet time consuming but lucrative ... and well, clearly the whole issue of WORK continues to provide a huge internal battle for me: do I really like full time work? is it terrible for Megan that I work full time? am I doing the best I can at being a mom and being an employee when I have really clear boundaries around the time I give to each role? etc etc.

Hey, want to see a picture of my cute kid wearing her favourite footwear on a dry, sunny day?

Look Who's Talking Too

2009-09-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

Want a vocab update? To add to my obnoxiousness as a mommyblogger? Ok then! Here's what Megan is saying these days:

poon (spoon)

dah-dehyn (Carson the dog)

peeez (please)

boop (boot - sounds very very similar to poop)

peee-in (peeing)

WOK (walk. as in "Woman, put me down right now and let me walk". usually sounds more like "wok? Wok? WOk? WOK? WOK! WOK!)

noon (balloon)

dloo-dl (noodle)

cap (crap!)

AI (eye)

deet (feet)

dooz (shoes)

hat (hat)

wah-wa (water)

djooos (juice)

dhow-uh (shower/flower/flour too I suppose)

buh-peeez (coffee)

tchayn (train)

choo choo (choo choo)

dox (socks)

nunn-uh (tunnel)

dakdak (backpack)

ah-dell (I fell)

Mo? MO? MO???? (more?)

Gayn? (again?)

And the list goes on, building every single day. Megan still isn't really putting words together but I'm sure that's just around the corner.

One cute recent moment before you lose your lunch with the sappy cuteness of it all: I put her into a red onesie that has a picture of a cat on the front the other night for bed. She pointed to the cat, saying "CAT!" then "m'oww? ow?" and I was delighted and repeated it all back to her in fine dweeby mom form (Yes! That's a cat! Saying meow! Good job Megan! Med school is definitely in your future!). Then she repeated "cat! m-ow? cat! m-ow" and then ....... "MO? MO?" as she poked the cat picture on her chest.

More what?? More cats? I was heartbroken as I explained to her that despite being the all-powerful favourite person in her life, not even I could increase the number of cats on her onesie.

Do Your Kids Have Equally Exciting Literary Interests?

2009-09-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

This is Megan's current favourite read along with the slightly more conventional book about potties. It's a glossy booklet/pamphlet for flooring. In it? Pictures of flooring! On every page! Along with happy newlyweds, cute kids, and a dog enjoying ......their floors!

Let's Just Call This One "Exhausting"

2009-09-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

We are trying to be those parents who don't let our child get in the way of things we would have done before having our child. Trying to include her in the widest range of experiences and activities possible (minus Nascar and hunting). And oh my lands is it exhausting! We have had two trips with Megan in the past few weeks, and both times have resorted to the trite cliche (is there any other kind?) of needing a vacation to get over our vacation. Then to add to the exhaustion we decided at the last minute to enter a trail run race this morning, and I had to go to a baby shower this afternoon....so our first weekend back home really wasn't the winding down relaxfest that it could have been.

All that is to say that I have to go to bed because it's 9:03pm. But first - a photo that pretty much sums up our experience at Bumbershoot in Seattle last weekend perfectly: sunglasses, a raincoat, crowds, and a squirmy child trying her damndest to get the hell away from her hearing protective headphones and really to get anywhereelserightfrickinNOWMOMMA.

An amazing child who magically knows more and more words every day, who still gets mistaken for a boy even in hideously pepto-bismol-y pink outfits, and who is becoming just so much fun. And exhausting.

Packing It In

2009-08-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

After a few meltdowns about packing (ohemgee I hate packing) and destination (brother in law's lake cabins in the middle of nowhere, BC), we are leaving today, back late next week. Or earlier if the weather is sucky and uncooperative.

I always approach these trips with complete dread and they always work out way better than expected. They are never ultimately worth the sleep loss they cause me for days in advance. I think it's something to do with the combination of a road trip, Brad's scary driving, packing Megan's stuff, not having concrete plans, packing my stuff, packing for cold and rainy weather, and oh yeah, visiting with family for several days. Foolproof combination for stress right there. Yesterday at work I was actually wishing I could just be going back to work today, where I know what's going on and have all my routines at hand. LAME. I know. LAME.

Anyway, as always, I am edning up participating in the family vacation. I sent Brad out with Megan to run errands so that I could pack and fret all alone, which has been just wonderfully effective. Then it's my turn for errands while Brad packs the car and Megan runs around finding mud puddles and dirt (how does she do that even on the driest of days?) and we all finally squish into the overloaded civic for a few days of quality time together.

I would have punctuated this with photos of my awesome kid, but our computer is doing something, some kind of independent study project in virus-catching, so I am on Brad's laptop, and have no idea how to get my photos in. Just imagine more cuteness of Megan dragging dolls through the backyard, riding her new run-bike, and maybe having the occasional tantrum about...messy hands? not wanting to wear a diaper? not wanting to get dressed?

Wish me luck.

Random Summer Fun

2009-08-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a while.

A busy while. Summer fun, a heat wave, camping trip, and numerous nights where bedtime didn't hit until around 8 o'clock or later because it was too bright out and we were having too much fun.

New daycare. With new rules, new people, and new (longer!) hours. And major adjustment. A new fever and cold associated with the new daycare.

Work. I have been super insanely crazy busy at work. Thankfully it's all been interesting, fascinating stuff, stuff where I'm really running the show at times, and where I feel like the tradeoff of time with Megan is almost worth it. Work is THAT good. Best of all, I have been able to do a lot of work in the evenings after Megan goes to bed, and in return have left early, taken half days and full days off here and there, and really really been savouring summer.

I was trying to come up with one story, one topic to write about. Trying to think of it while simultaneously doing laundry, talking on the phone, and checking work email. Trying for several nights. Accumulating photos, masses of photos, and not having time to write down the stories that they tell.

So. That's summer. So far. August 4: Three years of wedded bliss!

Megan Gets Her Own Dip

2009-07-26T20:40:00.001-07:00

And now for something completely different

2009-07-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

Not really.

We went back to the Folk Festival on Saturday!!

This time though, instead of paying $80 a head to get in, I won four tickets!* And we were thereby completely justified in spending the day spending money on fancy hemp-y smoothies, gelato, gallons of iced tea, and fancy pizza. Plus BBQ ribs for Brad. I gave the other pair of tickets to friends with a son Megan's age. The four adults : two 19 month olds ratio turned out to be very handy. Their son is as much of a runawayfrommomanddad houdini as Megan is, so we had our hands full with the two little firecrackers. We had a very long day too - got there at 10am and didn't leave until 9:45pm!

Most amazing breakthrough event of the day: Megan actually napped in her stroller! Just like a regular toddler, the kind we always see out and about napping in strollers downtown, at parks, and in stores. The kind we've never ever had, since ours has been sleep-trained to the point where she really only sleeps under very specific, dark, crib/carseat/backpack-like conditions. Or an umbrella stroller as it turns out, when she's totally pooped from music, bubble blowing, hula hooping, and crowds.

We saw some great bands, including The Proclaimers (fun!). We also inexplicably saw Steven Page, (formerly of the Barenaked Ladies before he what - left his long time wife in favour of 22 year olds and coke?) perform. Is that even folk music? And was he on coke while performing?

My favourite activity of the day, as it is with any festival is the kickass people-watching - I am a sucky dancer and find crowds so overwhelming that it's hard for me to even talk to the people I'm with much less "have fun" with them. People-watching is always the way to go for me. Whenever I lined up to fill my water bottle I'd stand there quite happily, openly staring at the Festival Geeks with their backpacks, sunhats, keen sandals, and thermarest seats; at the poser hippies; at all the adorable kiddies-in-Chariot-strollers; at the super-slow-moving and generally disorganized-bordering-on-security-risk volunteers.

When I was looking through my photos I came across this gem of Megan playing in the kiddie area. It's mainly a gem because of the random folk fest kid in the background. Note the hippie shirt ** and the white socks with keen sandals! Score!

The day was much more fun than last year. Last year we had to leave earlier because Megan was still taking 2-3 naps a day and was still waking up at night. Last year she was crawling in the dirt, repeatedly tempting people to step on her. Last year I was peeing in porta-potties while Megan slept in the Ergo carrier. Last year was about Brad and I trying to enjoy the music while we took a break from our rather rigid first-time-parents routine. This year was about Our Family enjoying the festival. Sappy but true.

Maybe next year we'll get some of those geeky (but practical! like backpacks and sunhats and keens, oh my!) festival seats.

*by answering a "skill testing question" from the North Shore News: Name two countries where the Garifuna people live. My answer: Guatemala and Belize. I knew this one! I've been to Livingston, Guatemala where the Garifuna live! No wikipedia required!

** Tie dyed? Batik? Who knows.

1 Week Later

2009-07-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

The haircut's growing in pretty nicely, even if Megan does look even more like a boy than she used to, which I wouldn't have though possible, but live and learn I suppose. She looks happier, no?

We've been really busy, which, yes I know everyone's busy, especially in the summer and especially with a toddler, but still, busy. Brad's been on a few short work trips, we're switching Megan to a new daycare starting on August 1, and we finally FINALLY got rid of the grungy carpets that I've hated for the 3 years we've had this house, and replaced them with floors. Yahoo! No more being constantly suspicious of all the creatures and mites and grime that must be hiding out and breeding under our feet!

Next up - painting. And we're hiring people to do the work! Double yahoo! Brad would have never ever paid people to do work we could do ourselves prior to having Megan, but with her.... We just couldn't imagine even expecting painter's tape to stay in place, much less drop cloths, and we've seen what happens when they paint at daycare - she comes home in her back-up outfit and we find paint all over her for the next few days. We can only imagine what she'd do with several days' access to trays full of paint, rollers and brushes.

According to daycare, some kids HATE painting because they HATE getting messy, sticky stuff all over them. SOOO not our kid.

In other news and for documentation (and maybe bragging) purposes:

Megan just keeps going with all the chatter. It's just plain mind blowingly awesome to hear her, and to see how much she understands. For example, I'll call Carson over when we're at the park, and Megan jumps in with "COME." I tell her "Not in your mouth Megan" and she gives me a coy grin then picks up random piece of garbage or a leaf or rock or something and brings it to her mouth. Brad says "Don't clear the deck Megan" when she looks like she's done eating, and quick as a whip she wipes everything in arm's reach off the table in one fell swoop. She points at my apple and says "Boppuh" or something, then a bunch of "ah ah ah" with more urgent pointing to say "woman gimme that apple NOW." I ask her to say please and she does!

Yesterday when Brad was in Port Hardy for a very long day, I had a rare day to myself with Megan. We went on a long walk to meet friends at a park, and I could feel glimpses of what it will be like to have conversations with a real person someday very soon. She nattered away for much of the walk and whenever I understood her my heart totally swelled with pride. She also continues to show interest in household chores - yay! I have very little interest in household chores, but try to be enthusiastic in hopes of brainwashing an agreeable little cinderella (the maid, not the shoeless princess).

She is obsessed with our wallets. Keys used to be enough, but as she's gotten tall enough to pull things off of counters and tables and desks, she's discovered access to all the stuff that Brad leaves lying around (ha! I told him so!). Plus he always has way more cash than I do, so his wallet's way more interesting.

That's all from these parts.

Trite non sequitor: I can't believe how quickly time flies when you have a child. Has it already been a year since Megan started crawling? Has she been eating people food and had teeth for over a year? A year since we took her to the Folk Festival, over a year since our trip to Maui? 6 months since I went back to work? All in the blink of an eye.

You'd Cry Too...

2009-07-04T14:34:00.001-07:00

... if your dad had given you THIS haircut. In the bath. With his electric trimmer. When all your momma said was "look! her hair wisps are finally long enough that a few are hanging in her eyes!"

BOOM

2009-06-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

The language explosion has begun. Just as everyone said it would, in all those books and blogs, when 18 months hit.

All of a sudden, overnight almost, something clicked in Megan's head, and BOOM, she's imitating and trying to imitate everything she hears. She's understanding entirely too much of what we say to her and in her presence. At dinner tonight, she was reaching for something off of Brad's plate and he said "say please" and she said "pees" or maybe it was just "eeez" but it was good enough. Then he gave it to her and asked her to say thank you. And she was close! Close enough that my mom, Brad, and I all understood that she was trying to say "thank you."

Imagination is arriving alongside language too. Every doll gets "fed" some of whatever Megan is eating. Today she was even feeding her doll plastic food at daycare while we watched and clucked with pride. Then later she was pretending to cry, because my mom had spent the day with her and played "This little piggy" but when they'd get to the last little piggy, the wimpy one who cried wee wee wee all the way home, my mom would pretend to cry, just to emphasize what a wimpy little girly-boy that particular pig was. Megan soaked it up and can now pretend-cry sort of on command. If she's provided with the context of the little piggies.

Where there is no imagination, there is work. And so far my crazy kid LOVES her some chores. Dishes? MOMMA PLEASE LET ME WASH DISHES! Garbage to throw away? PLEASE MOMMA NOW! Toilet to flush? COME ON MOMMA, I MUST! Doll to push around bossily? OF COURSE!

So although her diction is nowhere near as good as mine, and she still can't pronounce many words in a way that others understand, my perfect amazing daughter is absolutely racing towards speech and I find myself along for the ride instead of leading. This is parenthood in a nutshell isn't it? Being blown away repeatedly by one's brilliant spawn, to the point where one pretty much exclusively devotes a blog to detailing spawn's accomplishments and NOT CARING how annoying such gloating just may be. Then having to pay for stuff, and maybe losing sleep here and there. Over and over and over...

A Close Encounter of the Socially Inept Kind

2009-06-24T21:46:00.001-07:00

On Sunday It Happened. For the very first time.

We were out shopping waaaay past Megan's naptime ("Da-Dyyye" as she says), and I saw this woman who looked vaguely familiar. My usual instinct in such situations is to turn around and go the other way, or pretend to be looking at something intently enough that it looks like I just "don't see" her/him. I know..... normal people respond to seeing someone they know or may know with a smile, eye contact, maybe even "hi" or "hi, I can't remember where we know each other from" once the other party has shared the eye contact & smile.

Me, I flee the other way to avoid the whole interpersonal contact thing. I have no idea why, but nine times out of ten this really is my instinctive response.

So back to Sunday, I'm chasing Megan around MEC, letting her carry around a little pink backpack and I hear this "Eva?" from the aforementioned vaguely familiar looking woman.

I assess, determine that I can't escape interaction now, and respond. Something creative like "Yes?" Then I totally recognize Clara and get a case of the nerdy/geeky/socially inept. Like she's a celebrity or something since we've never met in person ("IRL" as all the kids say). Cause, Clara, you are a great writer who puts together coherent, intelligent posts despite being full time mom to two little boy toddlers. And great writers, like great athletes or great musicians or great legal minds, INTIMIDATE me.

So I mumbled a few times that "this" had never happened to me before (meaning running into a blogger! in public! locally!) then asked where her boys were. OF COURSE they were home napping, which is where toddlers belong at 2:30pm. I know this one! And I got it wrong, 'cause my kid's running around trying desperately to find breakable stuff at an outdoors store, and she's all calm and composed meeting ME because her kids are home napping.

Sigh.

Chalk this one up to yet anoth-ah instance where I prove to myself and others that, yes, I may be a dork with marginally-acceptable-at-best social skills. I still feel my face getting all hot from how embarassed I was at such a quickie, minor encounter!

Um, yeah.

So you wanna see my kid in her latest nerdy-but-cute-until-she's-still-doing-it-when-she's-12 favourite pose?

Shh, don't tell her that's a remote control and not a phone. Then she won't repeatedly say "hi" in her little chipmunk/teletubby voice for hours, or at least, minutes on end.

That one's a real phone!

Houston, We May Have a Problem

2009-06-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

Foods Megan Likes - not just as condiments but, hey, tip that little container back and swallow as if it's a thick beverage! or dip veggie dogs/edamame/carrot sticks/pasta right in, swirl it around and YUMYUMYUM:

ketchup
mayonnaise
ranch-y dips
bbq sauce

Foods I strongly and vehemently fear, loathe, and detest - by sight, smell, and of course TASTE:

ketchup
mayonnaise
ranch-y dips
bbq sauce

Your love...

2009-06-14T22:16:00.000-07:00

... is better than ice cream

Better than anything else that I've tried...

Thanks to Ikea, Megan had her first ice cream cone for dessert after our classy dinner out (also at Ikea) last night.

I think it's safe to say that she liked it. That it was a fairly mind-blowing experience.

And when the icky mess got to be too much for her momma to handle, when it was caking into her neck creases, and when her daddy took away the cone with its remaining ice cream and threw it into the garbage to preserve her momma's sanity, Megan was so stunned by the wondrous experience that she couldn't even get it together enough to cry or protest.

Which was a fairly mind-blowing and unprecedented experience for Megan's momma and daddy.

The end.

Shrek

2009-06-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

Remember this post? Where I bitched about how despite having carried this child inside of me for 42 weeks, she doesn't look like me? And then some of you kindly suggested that she has my eyes. They're brown! And then someone suggested a comparison of Megan's baby pictures with mine. I threw one of mine into my last post but since no one mentioned it in the comments I guess no one figured out that that was me! As a baby! Or maybe y'all were too polite to mention the truth: I was maybe not the cutest baby ever. Not even close. Even though according to my mother when I told her how NOT CUTE I was "but everyone told me you were cute." Um, yeah, that's what people tell the mother.

But I did have the most bitchin' overalls. And a swanky 70s pad complete with orange curtains & fake leather furniture! Plus I looked like I could kick some serious toddler ass if the need arose. Like if I got made fun of for looking like a boy. An intense, no-shirt-no-shoes-no-service rough and tumble boy.

I looked like a little Shrek! On a side note, do I ever miss the 70s decor! Maybe not the ghetto 70s stroller set-up....looks like that there is a couch cushion holding me in place. A Bugaboo this was not.

And here's Brad at...14ish months. Gorgeous Gerber Baby material in da house! Eyes and a smile that light up the room! Cute little pug nose! Blonde curls!

And Megan. Brad's mini-me.

She does however have my eyelashes.

It's Not All Sunshine and Roses

2009-06-04T21:16:00.001-07:00

I tend to hold back the challenges and stresses when writing this blog. I don't want to someday go back and read this and think that every minute has been superfunperfecttimes. It hasn't and isn't and won't be. Some days don't we all feel like this before we have even left the house in the morning?

For me part of the problem is not getting enough sleep. Megan sleeps through the night, and even on these long days of summer is in bed by 8 at the latest, but I just can't put myself to bed early enough. Then my internal alarm clock, set by Megan many many months ago, goes off every morning at 5:30am (if the real live alarm clock does not). This morning Megan randomly slept until 7:03am (yahoo!) but many days she's up an hour or more earlier and I don't have a second to myself. Which...I know, kind of selfish. And considering that Megan spends her weekdays at daycare, shouldn't I want to spend every last possible second of her waking hours with her?

Turns out I don't. And I really really struggle with feeling this way. I feel like I should want to spend every second with her, absorbing her amazing-ness, observing every minute development. Instead I want my 15 minutes for coffee alone in the morning, alone and quiet, and I feel so guilty for resenting Megan when her early wakeup time prevents that.

That's not to say that we don't have a great time together most mornings, because we do! We read book after book, I chase her around while she's naked, and every day we find new things to laugh about, and all this two-way communication is mind-blowingly wonderful.

But. I still reserve a sliver of resentment. And sometimes take it out on the dog who these days can feel like more trouble than he's worth. Especially when he gets out back and digs a big hole in the yard and prances into the house tracking dirt everywhere. Or when he needs to be taken out to pee and walk and when he insists on cuddling.

So let's see, the dog and the kid. Not all sunshine and roses. So sometimes I still feel like this even before I've left the house in the morning:

But I really do appreciate the mornings that go more like this:

Obsessionz

2009-05-31T21:56:00.000-07:00

Two weeks later, here I am. We have had extraordinarily perfect weather, and with the long evenings, find ourselves very busy being very active and outdoorsy. Megan hasn't been getting to bed until almost 8pm many nights, which OF COURSE means she wakes up...extra early! Good one Mom, thinking that late bedtime = late wakeup! This morning it was 5:45am, which I know, not too bad, but jeez, the kid was SO active all day yesterday with us, you'd think maybe, I dunno, a 7am minimum wakeup would be warranted?

But I digress.

17 months is a very busy, very super-fun age. Megan is trying to talk up a storm, and regularly tries to imitate us when we say new words. Fails miserably to most ears of course, but to our ears, her "Dah-dih" (lunch time) or "Maaa"(goat noise) or "uh-oh" are totally perfect miracles. Although her butchering of "cock a doodle doo" when she sees the rooster picture is maybe not music even to our rose-covered ears. She's also starting to follow orders! We like this! I can say "Megan bring me Carson's leash" and she'll do it! Hand in hand with her verbal and comprehension explosions have come obsessions with fire trucks and rescue vehicles, Dr. Seuss and animals - one needs WORDS to explain one's obsessions after all. Maybe it's actually the obsessions driving the bus, not the skillz. Hmmmm.

On the "gross motor skills" front, Megan is walking slightly better these days. Still pigeon-toed (OMG definitely getting teased if this is still going on in 6 years or so) but she seems to have figured out how to cope with it. Still falls lots, but she's actually sort of running these days. Well, trotting anyway. Or at least a fast shuffle. She is also obsessed with climbing hills, stairs, trails, whatever. WONDER WHERE SHE GETS THAT FROM. We have an appointment at BC Children's with some kind of pediatric orthopedic foot-y specialist. It's in January! Go universal health care!

Want to see pictures of my amazing pigeon-toed mechanic/climber/fashionista/ housekeeper toddler? Alllll-righty then.

Helping Brad with the Jeeps "rear member" repainting. I am not even kidding. That's what it's called.
Cheaper than a cleaning lady! Oh, except for those damn daycare bills. And food. And clothing. And gear. And furniture. And books and toys. WHY did we have a kid? We should have just paid someone to clean our house!!
Walking down the stairs at the art gallery. after walking up them. twice. slowly. but cutely.

She walked up ALL THESE STAIRS AND MORE. we did not let her repeat. we had learned our lesson at the gallery - stair climbing with a toddler is not the fastest process ever, and requires a bit more than the ideal amount of stooping and crouching and bending.

Fashionista version 2.0!

Eva Las Vegas

2009-05-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted a reason to sing out "Evaaaaa, Las Vegas" and finally had one. Yes, I spent the weekend in Vegas. With 8 other women. For - wait for it - a stagette! I really just went because it would be an excuse to spend time with a few friends from high school and, well, to see Vegas. Which I'd never ever visited before, because hello? I am not really a Vegas girl. You know...I don't like dressing up (except in technical gear for hikes or something), don't like loud music in nightclubs, have zero interest in gambling, and now that I'm married I am even more uncomfortable being hit on than I ever was when I was single.*

On the flip side I have a HUGE interest in kitsch, and adore hot, sunny weather. Plus, it's Vegas baby... doesn't everyone (well, every over-privileged North American) have to see it at least once? The grand scale of everything, and the insane kitschiness were pretty much things I had to see in person to understand. I couldn't get over how enormous the hotels are there, and how LONG it took to just walk to the hotel across the street! For those of you playing along at home, we stayed at the Mirage (meh, it's ok) which is across the strip from the Venetian (insanely cheesy fake canals and gondola ride) and between Caesars (cheesy Roman theme) and Treasure Island (ahoy mateys).

So yeah, once is plenty. And a weekend with friends from high school? Can really make you feel like you're, well, back in high school. In good ways (giggles!) and, um, less good ways (do I have anything in common with these women or am I just hanging out with them because no one else in Math/Vegas will talk to me?). I barely took any photos, other than a couple where we're in bikinis and you'll just have to use your imagination because that is just not blogworthy. In fact, I took more photos when I got home in one day than I took in three days in a totally new-to-me city!

There isn't a lot of inspiration in Vegas, and at home, well, there's this:

This was the Big Test Weekend - first time I have been away from Megan and Brad. They had a great, wonderful time together. Made greater and more wonderful to the nth degree by the fact that Megan SLEPT UNTIL 8 AM while I was away. She was reportedly chipper and cute the whole 3 days! No cranky-face, few meltdowns, and she said more words each day (Ya! and Uh-oh!). They hiked, ran errands, ate out, played at the park with Carson, and hugely bonded which made me very happy.

On my first morning back, Megan woke up, I went in and breastfed her, then she slid off my lap and would not look at me. She was all I thought about for three days, and that's the thanks I got? Luckily within about 10 minutes I had her looking at me...I suspect her ability to form a grudge has taken a backseat to her ability to work it for the camera.

We spent yesterday outdoors and I completely savoured the green everywhere, and the peace and quiet, and even the overcast/rainy day in Vancouver.

I particularly enjoyed walking down the street without anyone handing me little cards with photos of nekkid women that said things like "Hot Girls Direct to You! Call 690-6969." Funny, that.

* When hit on these days (happens infrequently due to the number of outings that include my child, husband and wedding ring) I feel the need to tell the guy that I'm 33 and married with a toddler and therefore he should look elsewhere. My Vegas stagette crew advised that this is called "oversharing".

Why We Don't Have To Buy Many Toys

2009-05-13T19:33:00.000-07:00

Because we have rocks,
Tampons,

And shoes!

The First Fifteen

2009-05-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

Other momma blogs often feature, at some point, absolute proof that they have bred little baby einsteins. This often takes the form of a list of "all the words my baby can say!"

I've always found these posts, well, boring. I can't ever get through reading all the words and the cute little pronunciations in parantheses, or find much to say beyond "wow, that's a lot of words, what a genius little aiden/caden/ella/bella is!"

But now. Now my baby girl is trying to talk! And succeeding here and there! Which is a huge relief, since LOTS of kids her age have had individual words for several months by now, and I'm all about the competitive parenting, and that whole "she rolled over at 6 weeks!" isn't really keeping me ahead of the pack too well now that Megan is 16 months old. One of my friends has a daughter one week older than Megan who, when we were at Maplewood Farm again a couple of weeks ago, pointed into one of the enclosure areas and said "three donkeys". Seriously.

SO, without further ado, I present Megan's List of Words and Cute Pronunciations In Parentheses:

1.Hi!

2. Moo ("ooo" or "noooo" when pointing to a cow and asked what sound it makes)

3. Quack Quack ("kak kak kak kak kak" when pointing to a duck)

4. Firetruck ("Ah-duh" which I know isn't even close and if she's not pointing at a fire truck when saying this we have NO IDEA that she's even saying a word at all)

5. Lunchtime ("Uh-Dye" in response to the question "what time is it Megan?" .... they taught her this one at daycare and ask it all day long then giggle at her response, not maybe caring enough that they're totally fucking her up with crazy ideas about when lunchtime is and how often)

6. Oink ("oh oh oh" when pointing at a picture of a pig & asked what the pig says)

7. ROAR ("aaarrrr" when pointing at a picture of a lion & asked what the lion says)

8. Meow ("mow" or "ow" when pointing at the cat pic & asked what a cat says)

9. Daddy ("Da-deee" but this one honestly still gets said sometimes when she's looking at the wall or something, so it's not 100% reliably attached to Brad...but she DOES say it when she sees him coming in the door)

10. Go (this is one that Brad has recently made a big effort to teach Megan, usually by repeating it while he's hiking with her on his back, to keep her from getting antsy in the backpack. Bonus: it's in the title of her favourite book "Go Dog Go")

11. Banana ("nana")

12. Dog ("daw")

13. Yes (with a nod of her head)

14. No (shaking her head)

15. Bye!

Um I think that's it. Certainly not anywhere near the longest list of 16 month old "words" ever, but pretty exciting for us. Lots of them are straight out of her favourite books - can you tell I'm an animal lover? If Brad had picked out most of her books, she'd probably know a lot of boat themed words.

So my apologies for the boring list of words post. Had to be done. And it's only by looking at it that I realize how far she's come with language in just the past week, and how super-excited I am to hear more!

Fashionista

2009-05-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

Seriously this is what Megan insisted on wearing to the library yesterday. I had just bought the scarf and was demo-ing it for Brad, when Megan began pointing at it and grunting and saying "AH AH AH" which I took to mean "Put that around MY neck! Now!" so I complied.

Then she went into her room and was pointing at her fleece hat on its shelf in her closet, and went grunt-grunt-ah-ah again. I knew what I had to do.

I think she totally rocked the scarf/fleece hat/legwarmers look, don't you?

She's Got Your Eyes

2009-04-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

Brad has taken a pile of photos of Megan and I recently. Photos that made me look twice, because, is that REALLY my kid? She doesn't look anything like me, not even in photos, not even when I hold them sideways and squint after one too many. And yet, people often say she looks like me. They usually say "She has your eyes."

By that, I'm figuring they mean she has brown eyes like me instead of blue eyes like Brad. Otherwise...well, she has mousy brown hair, but so does Brad. Mine is so dark that it's commonly mistaken for black (THERE ARE BROWN HIGHLIGHTS YOU CAN SEE IN THE SUN PEOPLE.) She has a little pug nose. Mine is more...straight with a hint of humpy-ness. She has cellulite!!! She has feet that look NOTHING like mine or my mom's, and quite a lot like Brad's sister (according to Brad. I haven't inspected my sister in law's feet.). Which works in her favour because my feet are icky, and I know lots of people think that, but really. Mine = bony, hairy ick with uselessly narrow heels that don't fit into big-girl shoes too well sometimes.

And for some reason, this lack of cookie cutter resemblance to my daughter bothers me. Did I really want a daughter who looked like me? Well, like the good parts anyway - maybe she could have someone else's skin and teeth and less frizzy hair and longer legs, but the rest, shouldn't that be all mini-me since we're both girls?

I read a lot of blogs. I instantly see resemblances between bloggers and their offspring. Then I go back to photos of me with Megan and for the life of me can't really see it. Then I see her in person when she's at her grouchiest most screamy self, and I see a sliver of resemblance to my bad-mood self. That doesn't make me feel anything other than guilty for passing along my more alarmist, reactionary tendencies.

When she's smiling she is all Brad. It is awesome when they look over at me and burst into a smile at the same time, and makes me love both of them immensely, and wonder whether who she resembles right now at 16 months old really matters at all.

Part of it may be that Megan's ethnic mix is quite, well, mixed. It's easier for inbred folk to look alike than mongrels, right? She is half German Mennonite, a quarter Jewish, an eighth East Indian, and an eighth Portuguese. Hence, it is amazing that she resembles me at all. Maybe I should just take the "got your brown eyes! and look - she's hairy!" thing and run with it.

But since it kind of DOES matter to me, do you think that maybe she looks like me (and don't give me this "brown eyes" business, be honest), and I just can't see it because I don't see myself accurately or the way that other people see me? Do you see yourselves in your kids, or find it much easier to see their resemblance to your partner?

For The Sophies, Olivias & Ellas of the '70s

2009-04-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

More and more often I find myself in a weird-to-me situation: I'm out somewhere with Megan, somewhere full of babies and toddlers, maybe a playground or the aquarium or the pool, and I hear it. Someone calling out "EVA....EEEVVAAA....EVA, come to Momma!" Or "Eva, time for lunch!" Or "Eva, time to change your bum!"

To those of you 70s kids with names like Jennifer or Lisa or Michelle or Karen or Tracy, or Brad or Jason, you're probably thinking "So what, don't you hear other people calling out your name all the time? That's the story of my LIFE."

When you were born in 1976 and named Eva, you NEVER EVER heard your name called out in public unless it was your family or friends calling for you. Never. Oh I guess if you were in parts of Europe or South America you would have heard it, but usually pronounced more like "Ay-vah," and I wasn't in either place as a kid so I had no idea my name was anything other than Unusual or less kindly, Weird.

I spent my elementary school years hating my "unique" name. Hating having to spell it out all the time (it's THREE SIMPLE FUCKING LETTERS LONG people). Hated having teachers and friends' parents comment on it while my peers just thought it was WEE-ERD. WISHED for a name like Jennifer/Michelle/Amy/Julie.

Sophie/Olivia/Ella born in the 70s? Y'all KNOW DAMN WELL what I'm talking about.

And here we are in 2009. Reese Witherspoon named her daughter Ava about 8 years ago, and Ava started climbing the popular name charts. Then people started feeling like Ava was too common, so they searched for something that was same-same-but-different, and came up with Eva. Sometimes they still pronounce it "Ay-vah" but more and more often I'm hearing MY NAME out in public, attached to a command to Sit still! or Come here now!

So now my kid has a 70s/80s name, which is not at all common for a little girl born in 2007. She will probably go through her school years with more teachers than peers sharing her name. People will constantly ask her how to spell it ... "with an 'h'? with an 'a' before the 'n'?" etc.

It's a good thing she's cuter and smarter than me, and will maybe be a wee bit less hypersensitive about this kind of thing than, say, I was. A damn good thing indeed.

Five Little Girls

2009-04-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

While we were away in Kelowna for the long weekend, ONE little girl had fun keeping a household awake for one very long night. I mourned my lack of sleep, was nauseated by it, vowed never ever to stay with relatives again while Megan is so young because it is just too stressful, and my life has too many stressors these days.

Then we got home from our weekend, and I checked a certain blog and discovered some absolutely joyous news! TWO little girls had just become big sisters to a newborn baby brother. I couldn't have felt happier for their family of five. Three strong healthy perfect children.

Then I checked out another blog and discovered the worst kind of news. TWO little girls had just lost their three month old baby brother. And although I've never met these girls, I have been reading their momma's blog for a couple of years, long enough that we've exchanged comments and that it honestly felt like someone I know had just suffered the world's worst loss.

Today was a bit rough. I was happy to hear Megan waking up this morning, happy to nurse her into consciousness, happy to enjoy a slowish cuddly morning while we waited for my mom to come over to spend the day with her grand-daughter. I felt lucky beyond belief to be able to enjoy mornings like this and so so devastated for mommas like Shana who are going through such intense loss.

And although I'd wanted to write about our weekend, maybe throw in an anecdote or two and a bunch of photos, I just still can't quite get past the loss that a woman I have never met in person is suffering.

Daycare Dramas

2009-04-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

If you have ever sent your child to a daycare centre you will understand about lost stuff. And extra stuff. And injured stuff. And you will relate perfectly to this tale. Hell, I think anyone with a toddler who ever leaves her HOUSE will relate perfectly to this tale.

Drama #1: CHOMP

Brad picked up Megan the other day from daycare and was informed that she had been bullying some child by trying to push him out of his chair - she LOVES sitting on toddler sized chairs. In retaliation, and lacking verbal communication skills, and in the absence of an interest in maintaining a long term relationship with Megan who he/she has to see at daycare every day for the foreseeable future, the seated child BIT Megan on the arm!! She still has crystal clear tooth chompy marks on her right forearm to prove it. The daycare staff wouldn't tell us which child had bitten her, I guess so we wouldn't go after the parents? Get a restraining order? Who knows. We totally wouldn't, because of course we were kinda proud of Megan's will, of her insistence on getting what she wants, and because we were kinda glad that she'd been taught a valuable lessson.

Drama #2: Pants and socks and minigo, oh my

On Wednesday Megan came home wearing brown carpenter cord pants that had clearly been designed for a boy. In her cubby at daycare, I keep two extra onesies, two pairs of socks, and a pair of pants. Many many times, Megan has come home wearing the back-up outfit, because of her passion for mud and water. But boy cords? What the hell?

She'd gone through not only the pants I sent her to daycare wearing, but also her backup jogging pants. Mud and water struck again. And so my kid came home in someone else's backup pants.

And there was an extra pair of socks in her bag, and a pair of lavendar coloured mittens. Neither were ours. I briefly considered keeping them, like I had kept the minigo yogurt that came home in her lunch bag one day, but thought better of it. After all that minigo had been a rare amazing treat for my baby, whereas socks and gloves and boy pants??? Um, no thanks Momma, I hate wearing clothes, remember?

Drama #3: The case of the missing diapers

We send Megan to daycare every day with a small bummis tote bag and 4 cloth bum genius diapers. Diapers that are worth twenty three bucks a pop. A tote bag worth eight bucks. She's generally wearing $0.50 jogging pants from the local church sale, but her ass is expensively clothed. At the end of the day, we pick up the tote bag full of her, um, used and fragrant diapers. On Thursday SOMEONE forgot the diapers at daycare. Ok, it was Brad. Totally his fault. On Friday morning I talked to one employee and asked if she'd seen the tote bag of diapers on the water table where Brad thought he'd left them. She had not. I searched the daycare quickly, then left for work. When I picked her up after work, another employee and I did a much more thorough search. No diapers. I was almost in tears - I had just upped our stash by purchasing three new diapers and a new tote bag on Monday, hoping that we'd be able to last an extra day between loads of diaper laundry. I'd spent almost eighty bucks. And now we were right back where we started, and I felt like sitting down and sobbing. Over diapers. I KNOW but it was Friday ok? And I'd spent a LOT of money on those damn things.

Then Brad grated my marble cheddar cheese all to hell on some pasta, and I had no cheese for cheese and crackers with breakfast this morning and I really did almost cry.

The sideline story here is that a co-worker's boyfriend sent her "just because I love you" flowers at work yesterday. A HUGE bunch of white somethings that I could smell all the way across into my office. I am not a flower person, in fact I always find them kind of wasteful and worry about the working conditions of flower-growers and besides, would find the cheesiness of flowers delivered at work totally embarassing. Nevertheless, I mentioned the flowers to Brad last night, emphasizing that I don't want FLOWERS, but SOMETHING SOMETIME would be nice.

Today when I got home from some errands, here's what was on my dining table:

The end.

Gravel, Puddles, and a Side of Goat Poo

2009-03-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took Megan to Maplewood Farm with a friend and her 13 month old daughter. It was a HIT! Super awesome fun place to let preschoolers run around, play with animals, gawk at potbellied pigs, and run in terror from chickens.

And more importantly, ingest ENORMOUS quantities of gravel whenever one's mother isn't watching too closely because Dammit Megan I'm trying to have a conversation here and it's important! About work and home ownership and stuff! Can't you raise yourself already???
Surprisingly Megan was kind of scared of some of the animals. The smaller the scarier apparently, culminating in that horrid torturous bunny barn. The nerve of me trying to make her enjoy bunnies before she's been properly socialized to know that here in Canada we think Bunnies = Cute. The only way I could get a photo of her "with" the bunnies was to plunk her onto a little stump and take the picture FAST.
What kind of asshole idiot mom puts a pink dress and cream legwarmers on her toddler BEFORE going to the farm???!! I know you were thinking it. Next time she's wearing jeans and boots. There were MANY puddles stomped in that day, and some very muddy patches on her bum where she'd stomped too vigorously and lost her balance altogether.
You can't see much of a puddle there, right? Well this was Megan's favourite stomping ground for the day. She would gravitate to this little patch of water and let's face it, chicken shit, from ANYWHERE, and do some stomping. Which mostly involved giggly knee bends with the occasional Real Stomp thrown in when she could muster up the coordination.

The last area we visited was the Small Goat Enclosure. I don't know what to call these things, but they were like mini dwarf or pygmy goats. The funniest one was about knee height (my knee not Megan's!) and was waddling around, approximately, I don't know...38 months pregnant? Poor little she-goat. Megan was very enthusiastic about the goat area. Not because of the goats, which she barely noticed, since by that point she'd seen horses! ponies! chickens! ducks! full sized goats! so goats that aren't much bigger than Carson barely got a second glance. Goat POOP however, was a different story. It received a LOTTA lovin' let me tell you.

All over the farm were these signs reminding us to wash hands and be clean because animals can carry e-coli. There was a surprising absence of signs advising us not to snack on goat poo. I'm just saying THAT kind of sign might have been handy.

More Sickness & The Pigeon Toed Toddler

2009-03-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

There has been so much happening over the past couple of weeks, so much to write about and yet...nothing. I just haven't made the time. Possibly because for almost a week we were all sick again, this time with a pukey yucky stomach flu bug? Here's the story of how YET AGAIN this momma ignored obvious Illness Symptoms. I woke up and showered, then went to get Megan, who had started crying in her crib. As soon as I opened the door to her room the smell of baby vomit engulfed me. I held her, breastfed her, and tried to wash her puke-crusted hair and felt so sorry for her. So little and vulnerable and not understanding that this awful nausea isn't forever. I held her close close close, and she was sobby and floppy.

Then I did what any mother would do.

Dressed her, advised her to buck up, and took her to daycare.

I didn't want to mention the puking because then they'd make her stay home and I had WORK TO DO so no way was I staying home. I mentioned that she seemed "off" and they said they'd call me if anything happened and that oh yeah, three kids were sick that day, had woken up puking.

Oops. That was when I knew the jig was up and I should have kept her home, but it was too late to, what, just slap my forehead and say "OH YEAH, I forgot, Megan threw up this morning too, better take her home, see ya tomorrow, cheerio!" So I left her there and went to work. For some reason I hadn't felt like breakfast and didn't feel like stopping to grab coffee on the way to work. Just went in as usual, and worked my little tail off for ... about an hour.

Then I got The Call. "Megan just threw up, you need to come and get her."

Oh shit.

So I went, brought her home and, well, started feeling nauseous and was vomiting within an hour. I called my mom who came to take care of Megan so I could sleep all day, and since Brad was away (doing his own vomiting on a work trip, yuck), my mom stayed over and hung out with Megan the next day. When I dragged my nauseous ass to work.

So that was that week. Consumed by vomit and nausea. On the Saturday night I thought I was feeling better so went to a friend's place to hang out for a bit then go out for drinks. HAH!! Could not drink a THING other than some "Diet Ditto" (Superstore's 7up knockoff) and had to request plain jane crackers instead of snacking on fancy hors d'oeuvres. Told my friends I was waaay too nauseous to go to a crowded bar, and offered to drop them off on my way home. When we got into the car, one friend asked the question that I'm sure had been on their minds from the moment I mentioned feeling a bit queasy: "So do you think that you and Brad going to have another baby?" If I hadn't felt so sickly and overwhelmed I would have outright laughed, but I just gave a weak chuckle and mumbled about how one sick kid was MORE than enough work thank you very much, and yes children are amazing blessings but one is plenty.

This past week was better but of course busy. And now we are all worried about Megan's walking. She is very pigeon-toed, to the point where one foot turns in enough that she constantly trips over it, especially when she starts running. The Internet told us that this usually resolves itself by the time a child is two, but concerned family and daycare staff have advised us to Get It Checked Immediately because (a) wouldn't it be embarrassing to still walk so pigeon toed as a teenager? and (b) maybe it is a symptom of a sensory integration disorder, and combined with other "symptoms" could be really serious and much much more than a simple physical issue.

So we are booked to see the dr to get a referral to ... a pediatrician? A pediatric podiatrist? A pediatric psychiatrist for the non-verbal? Who knows. Life with a little one is a constant learning experience and is definitely DEFINITELY never boring.

Just realized how text-heavy this post was, so have gone back and inserted recent random cute pics of the toddler. Enjoy.

Too Many Books, Too Many Bananas

2009-03-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

This full time work, single-momma-when-Brad's-out-of-town-thing is a very busy lifestyle. Thank god for daylight savings though - I think Megan never truly adjusted when we had the "fall back" in November, so we spent 4 miserable months with the early wake ups. Now that we've done the "spring forward" (GROSS - so sorry about all of those ugly and possibly unnecessary and definitely inelegant quotation marks) we're back to 7:30pm bedtime and 7 :15am wake up. FAR FAR more civilized than, say 4:30am wake ups and 6pm bedtimes.

When Brad is away (he left AGAIN today), I pick Megan up around 5 from daycare, then we have a few hours to do stuff and enjoy Quality Time together. Stuff that's downright crazy like dinners out, or after work hikes with Carson. Stuff that results in a very exhausted little girl and even more exhausted momma who just doesn't learn that kids need ROUTINES and DOWNTIME. We seem to muddle through ok though. Tonight we walked Carson for a quick half hour, then dropped him at home and went out for dinner close by. Most of the time in the restaurant was definitely a challenge - lots of walking around the restaurant leaving my worldly possessions completely unguarded at the table. Luckily, covered in toddler goop and guck as they are, there were no takers. Then we came home, Megan snacked on some of her leftover dinner, then we played a bit, then bath then bed. Done.

I find myself on such an adrenaline rush from the intensity of these evenings that it takes about an hour after Megan's gone to bed before I can blink and breathe again. Seriously, she's a full-on race around the room VERY highly intense kid.

The kind of kid who does NOT take kindly to the indignity of being strapped into a high chair. The kind of kid who has to explore every nook and cranny and corner of every house or restaurant she's in. The kind of kid who has to climb every flight of stairs repeatedly ad nauseum wherever stairs exist. The kind who insists on leaving the restaurant to find stairs she can climb.

And she's been like this from the get go. Last year, the other babies at our mom and baby indoor boot camp or yoga classes would lie on their backs and coo at their toys or the ceiling fan while Megan was rolling around trying to escape the room. When we go to restaurants with other 14ish month olds, they seem to SIT longer and FOCUS better and not NEED to race around the place like a wild animal who accidentally finds himself in the house. Other moms don't have to repeatedly sign off on accident reports when they pick up their kids at daycare.

Of course Brad and I are terribly proud of all these traits. The accidents, the intense energy, the passionate in-the-moment awareness of her needs. The fact that NO ONE has every described her as "easy going" or "gentle" or even "sweet" very often.

Proud and maybe slightly concerned looking into the future about the possible hyper girl, and the possible rebellious high energy teen we may be facing. But mostly for now just super duper proud.

Thankfully Megan shows some occasional signs of brilliant focus. She has been enjoying her books more and more, to the point where there are some books that I have to hide from her because I am THAT SICK of reading them. But still totally charmed by the sight of her reading a book SHE chose with Brad.

Plus food wise, she's been getting more and more insistent on feeding herself. Every morning I put about 2 tbsp of yogurt in a plastic bowl, give her the spoon and let her try. It's still kinda messy, but she gets better every day. She can also use her little toddler fork to scoop up ANYTHING. And get about 10% of scooped food into her mouth. Except bananas - we often have to hide the bunch of bananas because as soon as Megan sees them she becomes so obsessed that she just keeps going back to the bananas, pointing and grunting and eventually becoming herself into a teary tragic lump on the floor.

As a result, we have a lot of recent pictures of Megan eating bananas.

Most amusingly, she has learned how to tease Carson with food. Which I KNOW - DANGER DOGS CAN BITE - but it's pretty awesome. Megan holds a cracker and walks around with Carson following her, almost getting the cracker, and whenever she turns to look at him and cackle with glee at the thrill of him paying attention to her, he assumes the SIT position! It's like he has finally realized that Megan is a human, and humans don't give out treats until one SITS therefore he sits for her! I love it.

So that's why it's tough to blog these days. Too many plans, too much work, too many books and bananas. Plus ALL THAT SLEEP we've started getting this week means less awake time therefore less blogging time.

Let's hope that now that I've broken the silence about the re-entry of sleep into this house I haven't jinxed things to the point where SOMEONE decides that 4am tomorrow = party time.

Sick and sickerer

2009-03-03T21:04:00.001-08:00

For over a week now, The Sick has invaded our previously healthy home. I know that lots of people SAY they "never get sick," but actually do. And lots of people SAY they never miss work and take sick days, but again, they actually do.

But seriously, dudes, I RARELY get sick and ALMOST NEVER take sick days. Totally true. (Badge of honour? Badge of stupidity? Read on and feel free to judge.)

Until I had a baby who became a daycare-attending toddler. With extra-germy toddler habits like Floor Food Snacks! and Sharing with the Dog! and My Fingers in Your Mouth Then in my Germy Toddler Friend's Mouth then ... Back in Your Mouth! etc.

Now I'd been whining and complaining about sleep for a while. Last Monday I got The Call from Megan's daycare. The Call where the nice daycare employee is just giving me a heads up that Megan's not herself, that she's really low energy, that she SAT DOWN for storytime instead of pacing and climbing the walls. That she's warm but doesn't have a fever, but maybe I should come a bit early. She's rubbing her left ear a bit too.

NO WORRIES said I, fearless non-worrywart Mumma. She's fine, I'm sure of it, just a bit tired because of all of her 4:30am wake ups and her cranky behaviour. She rubs her ears when she's tired! She's fine! Just high maintenance, sorry gals, but that's what you're paid to deal with!

(this is the part where more experienced mothers see all the signs and newbie over totally misses them in favour of acting all casual)

15 minutes later I got The Second Call. The one where the nice daycare employee says that Oops we used the thermometer that doesn't work anymore, and now we used the functioning thermometer, and guess what? Your baby has a 101.5 degree fever! Come on down!

I raced over, thoughts of infant febrile seizures and permanent brain damage quickly replacing the Casual She's Fine thoughts of just minutes before. She was on fire. I could feel the heat through her clothes, she was THAT hot. I took her to the closest walk in clinic, where they take toddler fevers Very Seriously and a doc saw her right away, peeked into her left ear, and confirmed that her eardrum (?) was red and swollen and convex instead of concave (or vice versa?) and therefore yes, she had a very very bad ear infection. Antibitotics stat.

Thankfully the drugs kicked in almost right away, and Megan started sleeping better that night. She had to miss daycare the next day so my awesomely unemployed brother in law came over and hung out ALL DAY with my sickly and still cranky little kid. Within a couple of days though, she was less cranky and clingy than she'd been for a couple of weeks (WEEKS!), and I felt terribly guilty for maybe not noticing symptoms of her illness earlier, for writing them off as mere toddler crabbiness.

Then on Thursday it happened. I got sick. So sick that I came home from work and went to bed at 5:30pm while my sister took care of Megan until bedtime. Dragged myself to work on Friday (Must Not Call in Sick to my New Job after all) feeling like complete shit, had a headache and no energy and aches and chills, but gosh darnit I worked through the day. Saturday I felt slightly better, so Hiked! Birthday partied! DVD watched! Cleaned!

(ok I didn't really clean, but I really did think about cleaning. then I decided I was Too Busy.)

Then came Sunday. The day I didn't get out of bed. The day Brad took Megan and Carson hiking in the morning, and I slept. When they got home I discovered he'd had her parading through Lonsdale Quay with no pants on! Just tights and a jacket and a fleece onesie, like a cuddly little winter gymnast or something. Pretty cute. But not enough to get me out of bed, where I stayed all day, slept through the night, and of course?

Went to work on Monday. Can't call in sick after all. Felt pretty crappy but dammit I didn't mar my attendance record.

As of today I was almost back to normal, just a persistent headache behind my left eye and a raspy hacky cough. Megan has been on a roll of chipperest, cutest, sweetest little girl in the world. And sleepiest! Today she slept until 7:07am!!!

I of course did not enjoy sleeping in, and was up at 6am, as Megan has trained me.

Now I'm hoping for better health and continued sleep tomorrow. But not expecting anything, since of course the minute you start expecting Great Things out of a toddler is the minute that Shitty Irritating (but still totally lovable) Things begin. Brad has escaped unscathed other than "I think I'm fighting something", which I credit to his ltwo consecutive weeks of travel for work. Lucky LUCKY guy.

Grand

2009-02-23T20:39:00.000-08:00

Yet another post that proves I have ZERO creativity and enjoy filling out forms. I was tagged by the Diva to write a list of 5 reasons life is grand...here goes:

1. World's most preshus sushi eater is MAH KID.

2. Good husband, good job, generally good - no GRAND - life.

3. Healthy family. In the past two years I have lost two people to cancer, and had several coworkers and acquaintances battle cancer. I am thankful every day for the health of my loved ones. And even my not-as-loved ones.

4. Grand friends, both new and old. I am going to a wedding in June for a friend I've had since 1988. I am going out for dinner tomorrow night with a friend I've had since 2008.

5. I mentioned "good job" above but I did not mention the grandness of my 8-10 minute commute. Totally deserves its own category.

Your turn!

Six

2009-02-20T07:40:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by The Little Mama to participate in a sort-of meme. The idea is that you go into your picture files and post the 6th photo in the 6th file and blog about it. Perfect - I love copout easy posts! Here you go.

This was Carson in December 2006, back when we used to take pictures of Carson because I loved him SO MUCH MORE than words could say. This was a "look how cute he is looking out of the window Brad! OMG look!" kinda picture. We don't take these of Carson anymore. In fact, he really only gets in photos when he's tolerating the kid. You can't see it, but our little Christmas tree was in the background - this photo was part of my "Christmas 2006" folder. You can kind of see that we had this weird living room set-up. We'd amalgamated Brad's and my stuff and furniture, so we had two or more of everything, including two couches that didn't match. The only way we could fit everything in until we decided what should stay and what should go was to put the two couches back to back and create two separate living spaces in our living room. Shortly after, once I was pregnant and we needed to fundraise and make room for all the baby stuff, we sold off my white couch & my coffee table among other things.

Too bad this wasn't about the 11th photo in the 6th file, because then you would have gotten THIS gem from Christmas 2006.

Now I was supposed to tag 6 people, but I'll just leave it up to you if you want to participate & are stumped for blogging ideas. Have fun!

Yogurty Mornings

2009-02-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

Work day mornings here are sort of rough. Wonderful in that Megan and I have time together when she's at her best and brightest, but rough in that she's up WAY TOO EARLY. As you know.

We are always trying to find ways to spend the hours from 5:30 (if I'm lucky it's as late as 5:30) until 8am when we leave for daycare and work. Yesterday she was up at 4:40am. Good fucking lord. By the time we were having breakfast, I was in full-on survivor mode, just trying to get through the hour until she'd go down for her nap.* Usually she starts breakfast with finger food in a bowl - little pieces of fruit, a homemade mini-muffin, small pieces of cheese or toast - then we move on to me sitting there and helping her feed herself some yogurt mixed with oatmeal. While I stare lustfully at the paper and watch my coffee get cold. Yesterday though, I just didn't have the energy to entertain her and fight her trying to constantly take control of the bowl of yogurty oatmeal, so I let her have it. What fun! And surprisingly somewhat efficient! And most importantly SHE AMUSED HERSELF FOR A GOOD TEN MINUTES with the feeding project! Success! A big huge mess for sure, but total success for giving me ten full minutes to drink coffee and read the paper and only minimally supervise.

As successful as that was, we didn't repeat the self-feed this morning. I just couldn't face the blur of activity and resulting mess two days in a row. Plus today wasn't a daycare day AND she "slept in" until 5:40am, so I was much much better rested. That extra hour makes SUCH a big difference.

Someday I know that I will look back on these mornings fondly, remembering the cozy moments when Megan needed just my arms for comfort and when she took huge pride in just scooping stuff into her mouth or organizing it in her bowl. Someday.

Someday when I've just enough sleep not to dread these oh-so-early mornings and can simply remember my baby girl's proud little face.

*WHY does she insist on taking an hour long nap a mere hour and a half after she wakes up instead of just sleeping for an extra hour? ??? WHY???

Work & Playgrounds & Sun

2009-02-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

We've been having too much fun and work around here to allow for much blogging time. In fact, I've been wondering how bloggers with toddlers find time at all, since toddlers are SO MUCH FUN and SO MUCH BUSY.

But first, the new job, which I started last Monday. I don't blog about work here (read enough dooce to know better) but it's ok to do so if it's just to say:

1) I still miss my old coworkers;

2) but my new 10 minute, bridge-less commute rocks;

3) my new coworkers are warm, friendly people. my new boss gave me a hug on day 1!!! it wasn't awkward or creepy or anything, just genuinely warm and welcoming. and odd for sure, but mostly flattering and welcoming. it's a female boss needless to say. no male boss could really EVER pull off a "welcome hug" especially in an HR department;

4) the work is interesting & paycheques are great;

5) the COMMUTE oh I love it...so stress free;

6) starting a new job makes life even busier.

And Megan? Well, she is hitting new learning milestones daily, as 14 month olds are wont to do. Clapping (which I know most babies mastered several months earlier, but remember SHE ROLLED DAMN EARLY and just didn't want to show all the other babies up with her genius). Speaking - still just the one word "hi" but used consistently and appropriately. Walking and trying to run everywhere. Tripping LOADS of tripping. Putting lids onto containers. Stacking rings on the damn ring stacker (FINALLY). Growing a few more strands of hair. Getting mistaken for a boy even while wearing a pink striped dress with pink shoes today. Twice. Oops, that's nothing new. Eating out of bowls, and spending a good part of every meal moving pieces of food into and out of the bowl. Drinking better from cups. Especially Brad's gin & tonics, and Guiness. Blech.

And we've been hitting playgrounds as often as possible, after work and on the weekends, since we've had tons of sunshine and little rain recently.

And I've learned how to upload video to blogger. Turns out that it just takes patience. Like 25 extra minutes on this old slow pig computer. Expect more copout video posts in the future.

In the ever changing category of sleep, Megan's been featuring New and Earlier wake up times! Every day! Today 5:30am, tomorrow 5am, then...4:30? ...would she could she on a lark, would she could she in the dark? Sadly the answer is likely yes. No matter how early or late we put her to bed, she just doesn't seem to stay there late enough for my liking. I will whine about this forever, even though I know full well how lucky we are that she doesn't wake up during the night and that she falls asleep easily. I will whine about it because as a mommyblogger, Sleep Whining is an inegral part of writing, thinking, and posting.

Good night.

Hi!

2009-02-08T06:53:00.000-08:00

Three New Firsts

2009-02-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

First time Megan dug her fork into her dish and successfully stabbed a piece of food then brought it to her mouth. This looked nowhere near as graceful as it sounds. In fact there was a lot of flailing and flinging.
First time Carson let Megan shake his paw.

First time Megan's boots have been too dirty to put away in the closet. Because she was WALKING around like a champion walker at the beach, on the playground at daycare, and in the mud. Walking outdoors just as steadily as she does indoors. Walking in boots, which are nowhere near as flexible and forgiving as her shoes.

Randomization Project

2009-02-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Megan has recently been working towards having everything in our house placed in completely unexpected places. We call it the Randomization Project. Cases in point:

1) two AA batteries (which I KNOW no toddler should be playing with but she is wily, this girl) in the laundry hamper

2) remote control for the stereo in her toy chest

3) dog dish in her book basket

4) DVD case in her tupperware cupboard in the kitchen

5) shoebox, beloved shoebox, on chairs, in the mudroom, in the bathroom

6) pacifier in the toilet...damn thing never pacified her anyway so I guess she was sending us a message with this one, probably completely intentional pacifier placement

7) end table moved from beside the couch to the centre of the living room rug

In Megan's defense though, she has also been seen putting blocks INTO the toy chest, and chasing Carson around holding the clippy part of his leash leaning towards his neck.

Oh and STACKING BLOCKS. Finally, this mysterious developmental milestone can be checked off, because yes, my girl can place one block on top of another. With purpose. It's kind of anticlimatic actually, since I was expecting fireworks and rainbows and a marching band to appear when she first Did The Stack, but it was really kind of a casual thing, no big deal at all. She just did it like she's been Stacking Blocks all her life. Maybe because she's been doing it at daycare for weeks now but they didn't want to tell us they'd experienced this milestone with her in case it made us sad enough to withdraw her from daycare and head for the hills.

And food from a bowl! She no longer dumps the bowl, but sifts through it's contents with intention and selects one little orange wedge or tofu cube or whatever and stuffs it into her mouth. These days she only dumps when she's DONE DAMMIT TAKE THIS BOWL AWAY RIGHT FRICKIN' NOW OR I'M FEEDING THE DOG AGAIN.

A good thing, An irritating thing, A rambling

2009-01-26T22:16:00.000-08:00

Good thing I did: With another mom, chatted up cloth diapering to two pregnant friends for almost an hour this evening! Talked about how awesome, easy, environmental and inexpensive it is! Referred the two women to the Cloth Diaper 101 workshops offered through the New and Green diaper company. Think I totally convinced them. Or totally bored them.

Irritating thing I did: With another mom, hijacked our book club meeting this evening to talk about cloth diapers to two pregnant friends! While four other polite women listened and feigned interest. And mentally thanked the gods for birth control.

Rambling:

Other than that it was a great evening. I went straight from work to hanging out alone wandering the streets (in a safe, constructive non-loitering manner), to the book club. It was all quite relaxing and made me feel for a couple short hours like I still live in the city. I felt all urban and professional strutting around in my work clothes, but at the same time very hick-from-suburbia as I looked around me in awe at all the changes that have occurred in an area I used to know very well.

Megan woke up at FIVE AM this morning. FIVE AM. Got that? Did you get that it completely irritated me? I let Brad "sleep in" until 6 so I was on my own with Little Ms. Early Morning Pooper for an hour, dragging around the house half asleep while Megan chirped and chortled and carried stuff around. The only reason I emphasize this, is so that you understand why I did not feel guilty about missing out on the after work/bedtime stuff tonight. Because I spent THREE FULL HOURS with Megan this morning. And it was a fun and cuddly three hours, but also three hours skewed slightly towards toddler meltdowns and hence slightly draining. Good thing I "got to" go to work to recharge. In the last week of one's job, work is very much about relaxing, recharging, and lunching.

Brad got to pick Megan up from daycare, then take Carson for a walk with her, then do dinner, bath and bed. Thank gawd Brad is so involved with Megan, and so capable of doing all that without me! Now that I'm working, the household/childcare stuff is definitely a lot more equal. Not that I minded doing more while I was on maternity leave, but it feels good to be truly sharing the "work" that is having a 13 month old. And I say "work" in quotes because it's really amazing work most of the time, work that I feel so privileged to do.

Although next week when I have the week off between jobs? I'll probably still take Megan to daycare at least a couple of days so that they can enjoy that particular privilege as well.

All in the name of sticking to routines of course. Not laziness. Have you ever packed a toddler's lunch and gotten her ready for daycare? Let me tell you, there is absolutely no room for laziness in either of those battles:)

We went to yet another first birthday this past weekend. Five down, two to go. Thank god these are all "no gifts please!" people, otherwise I'd have to start moonlighting just to support our birthday party habit. I'm trying not to be too friendly to the other daycare parents in hopes that they will not feel compelled to invite Megan to their kids' birthdays. Good strategy? Antisocial strategy? Just plain cheap and no fun strategy?

Enough already with the rambling. If I am going to be woken up by a screamy poopy baby at 5am again I have to get some sleep.

13 Months

2009-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

At 13 months, Megan has 99% given up on crawling. Pretty much exactly on January 16, we realized she hadn't crawled all day. She still walks like a drunken frankenstein most of the time, and clutches the wall or lurches into furniture pretty regularly, and can't reliably be put down outdoors standing, but dude, she's walking. Often attached to my pinky finger with her death grip, but yep, walking. It's pretty awesome. I thought it would make me sad, yet another milestone, yet another baby activity completed forever, but I love it! She is more of a person, more of a unique personality as a walker, and it's the coolest thing to experience.

Megan still doesn't say anything. Well, nothing that I understand, although she babbles intelligently and definitely understands words here and there. No fancy quantum stuff, just the toddler basics, like book, ball, Carson, and Momma and Daddy. There's probably more, but I just don't pay attention all the time. Sometimes it takes having someone come over and notice a new skill before I pick up on it.

She's eating and sleeping better these days, which I totally attribute to daycare. Yesterday she slept until after 8am! We thought something was wrong, since she's been waking up before 6 most days recently, but nope, she was breathing and fast asleep when I went in to her room at 7:45 to check. I forbade Brad from turning on any lights, peeing, or falling back to sleep & snoring, lest the slightest noise wake her up. I was bored in about 10 minutes, and Brad is pretty much physically incapable of whispering, so I got up, clattered around making coffee and Megan woke up around 8:15. Don't you hate that about baby/toddler sleep? That thing where you don't have a clue how long the sleep will last, so you don't start anything, or do anything other than internet/coffee/books because GOD FORBID you wake the baby? Yeah, THAT is annoying. If only I'd gotten the memo about the late wake-up, I would have gone out to conquer the world, or at least get some banking done.

Also breastfeeding - we're down to once a day, first thing in the morning, and that's on its way out too, which surprisingly isn't as sad or emotionally traumatizing as I thought it would be. I just got to a point where it felt right, and Megan wasn't that interested anymore and doesn't NEED that evening nursing to fall asleep, so I'm on my way to having her fully weaned. This only saddens me when I over analyze or over sentimentalize what was in reality a painful activity that was full of issues from day one, and really only "worked" properly and painlessly for around 4 months. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED breastfeeding, knowing what a great thing I was doing for Megan, what a perfect comfort I was for her, how easily it worked when it worked well. I AGONIZED over that whole bottle introduction thing and STILL feel very defensive if I give her a bottle in public, like I want to explain to goddamn strangers that "I actually exclusively breastfed her for almost 10 months, no formula, just me and I'd join La Leche League or attend a synchronized breastfeeding event or champion the cause to anyone, really". Thankfully NO ONE ELSE CARES. If strangers are judging, they're pretty silent about it. Actually we're at the point now where Megan is getting too old for bottles and soon the judgement will be about how irresponsible I am to be contributing to her rotting teeth or something. ANYHOO...I worked so hard to breastfeed Megan, and it's the thing I'm proudest of during the past year, because I had so many hurdles to overcome to make it happen, and yep it was good and bad and mostly wonderful and now it's almost over. And I'm more excited about what's coming next than I am sad about what's gone forever.

Oops, did I just hijack a perfectly sweet "my kid's 13 months old now!" blog post to rant and rave and get on my soapbox about breastfeeding? Feel free to judge, Stranger.

So yeah...back to originally scheduled programming...At 13 months Megan still likes being packed around in the backpack and ergo carrier. Thank goodness. We've taken her snowshoeing and hiking quite a bit recently and she still seems to love her backpack naps. She's growing though, so each trek feels a bit heavier. She's finally outgrowing her 6 month sized clothing!!

Megan's new little obsessions are (a) packing things around, like dolls by the hair, or part of a hiking pole, or a little truck (b) precision placement of said things, on tables, in boxes, or in random Megan locations (c) carrying two things in one hand. Well, maybe that's because the other hand is still in bandages from the burn. It's so cute to watch her struggling to fit the bucket and the slinky or whatever into her teensy left hand. Even cuter to then watch her stagger around straining to hold the two objects until she trips because her already precarious balance is totally thrown with the addition of a board book and a stacking cup.

And me. 13 months after having a baby I am working on balancing work and home. Dog and kid. Husband and friends. Hiking and running. Reading and yoga. Baking and dinner. Spending and saving. Rinse and repeat. It is a very busy life these days. Very scheduled and very busy. And on the whole it's a good busy, a supported busy. A lucky busy.

Work work work

2009-01-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

Here's the short story on being back at work: totally not a problem! Long story: It helps that I love my job and Megan loves daycare. Oh yeah, and in a few weeks I will be starting a new job doing exactly the same work but 10 minutes from home instead of 30+, so I am very happy. It wasn't really being at work that was my big stressor and worry, it was the commute: 2 bridges each way in Vancouver is a recipe for disaster. It was a tough decision though, because my current job is awesome - great group of co-workers, interesting work and good money. The new gig will still be interesting work-wise, but I have only met a few people there. So far, they all seem good, but who knows what those people that they've kept hidden from me will be like! With more money and a much shorter bridge-less commute, though, there was really no way I could say no.

The tough part of going back to work was that on my first day, I still didn't have the job offer yet, so I went in to hugs and cards and even a Welcome Back Eva! sign printed on the fancy new colour printer. Which I have to mention because in the public sector the high tech perks are few and far between. Colour! In our dodgy little office! And tons of ego-stroking comments like "we missed you!" and "so glad you're back!" Of course they were especially glad because, well, they'd been doing my work for the past few months, since my maternity leave replacement quit in the fall, and I told my boss I'd "definitely be back" in January, so she didn't temporarily fill my position. Oops. My co-workers were incredibly supportive of my decision, but the boss is still a bit steamed. Hopefully she'll be better by tomorrow.

Is it hard leaving Megan? Not really! I had shed many many tears over the prospect of leaving her, all fall it was constantly on my mind, and I'd look at her and think "She just looks so small! She should be with her mother!" But when it comes down to the reality, I find that I can drop her off quite confidently at daycare, because she seems to love it there. The kids, the caregivers, the schedules and routines, all of it really work for her. I am very lucky to have such an adaptable kid. A friend's daughter took a full month of gradually longer days before she was comfortable being left at daycare. Megan and I get two hours together every workday morning, because Megan (and therefore me) wakes up at 6am, but daycare opens at 8am. Those hours mean we have lots of time to get ready, play, read books, and hang out. True, while on maternity leave I had those PLUS another 11 hours a day with her, but after those 2 hours I'm fine with dropping her off. Brad picks her up around 4pm because he finishes work earlier than I do, and I love that because now he gets to spend more time alone with her (i.e. DOING ALL THE WORK AND APPRECIATING ME MOREMOREMORE) than he used to.

For now I have Wednesdays off, but that ends in March. I am trying to savour those days. For example this past Wednesday we went over to a friend's and were planning to do a rainy, slushy little hike. Fun right? Would've been, if Megan hadn't pulled up to standing using a HOT radiator pipe and burned half of her right palm. Poor kid. Oh the screaming! Poor me! I was trembling and sad and it was pretty awful. I took her to the dr because there was some blistering, and the dr wrapped her whole arm in bandaging, so it now looks like Megan is some kind of child-abuse-burn-victim, instead of just the "oops, guess you need to do more babyproofing" garden variety burn victim. She's fine now, still bandaged, but has learned how to live with just one hand. We're calling her Stumpy. She's very good-natured about the whole affair, other than when we put shirts on over the bandage and she screams bloody murder. Since she regularly screams bloody murder when getting dressed, we're not too worried. She should have the bandages off by the end of the week - will be at the dr's tomorrow and at least once more before we get there though.

Daycare has some benefits. Like skills. Megan is learning them. With me and my haphazard, unscheduled, non-routine-oriented days (which were more than a little bit self-centeredly oriented around my errands and friends and hikes) she really wasn't. She kinda spent a lot of time (a) in the backpack, (b) "playing" with other babies while I gabbed with their moms (c) in the carseat and (d) looking for stuff to do. She rarely sat still for books, hardly fed herself, really didn't eat very much at all, pretty much refused to drink any water, and was walking in little dribs and drabs. Doing great, awesome kid, but I may not have been focussed enough on her needs. Now...she LOVES books! Loves them! Obsessed even! Makes me very happy, since I have had fantasies of reading with Megan since before she was born. She also drinks water! From sippy cups or regular cups (held by us), just like a real toddler! And she's walking up a storm, more at daycare than at home, but it's still amazing to see. Oh yeah, and the babbling. It is incredible and cool and melodic. Someday I will learn how to put videos into the blog and you'll see for yourself. Of course she'll probably be in kindergarten by then, so the babbling will not be that impressive. The eating is better too - she will now feed herself little cubes of tofu or cheese, and little crackers or bits of bagel, just like a regular toddler. And yes, maybe the 12-13 month age is a big one for suddenly having lots of new skills for all toddlers, so maybe she would have learned all these things even getting toted around with me all day, but it's pretty awesome that so much has come together so quickly once she started daycare.

Guilt. Do I feel it yet? So far no. But I say "yet" because I reserve the right to write big long dramatic woe is me posts about how guilt-ridden I feel. For now though, my main guilt stems from NOT feeling guilty about being away from my baby girl for 32ish hours a week. Part of me thinks that children belong with their families as much as possible, and has read all about attachment parenting and so wishes I was that person, but I am (so far) not her.

Yet.

Happy New Year, Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T08:51:00.001-08:00

We had a very very great happy new year. Except when I was pissed at Brad for falling asleep before midnight and SNORING SNORING SNORING when I stumbled into bed at 12:05. Seriously, don't we get into relationships at least in part so that we can ring in the new year with someone? Was that a totally shallow and silly reason to get married? Anyway, otherwise it was great and happy. We had friends over, enjoyed a chocolate fondue, watched their one year old bounce off walls while Megan slept peacefully in her room, and drank a mix of wine, champagne and beer. Mixing alcohol = as bad now as it was when I was 18. They left at 11pm, because Gnome (their son's pseudonym in a totally good way because he is an adorable little gnome of a boy) FINALLY got tired to the point where annoying behaviour outweighed cute behaviour. He is going to be a party animal that one, with the late nights and the crazy fun antics and all.

Yesterday we went snowshoeing to a friend's friend's cabin on Cypress. It was awesome! We had a cheese fondue, wine, cookies and watched our three toddlers wreak havoc on a 12' x 17' cabin, while the quite hungover cabin owner watched with that "I'm never ever having kids" expression on his face. The expression I used to have at the grocery store, swimming pool and any tourist attraction. After a couple of hours the kids started to get cranky and zoo-y so we bundled back up and snowshoed out. We felt so so lucky to have our little family (only 2/3 hungover!) and to know good people to share the holidays with. The highlights included Brad falling in the snow as he was breaking trail, and taking AGES to get up, causing me to ask "Are you ok?" to which he responded "Yeah, just getting out slowly so that the camera doesn't get wet." No worry at all about his little daughter who was almost completely buried in the snow, just gotta make sure that camera is ok. We all have our priorities. The other highlight was the amazing icicles.

And today. Today is Megan's first long day at daycare: 9am-3pm. They are giving her snacks, lunch and a nap. We'll see if they have more success at these activities than I do. So far at daycare she is three for three on throwing her snack on the floor. We'll see how today goes. Since I am still not back at work, I have really been enjoying lazing around with her until 9am every morning, packing her food and diapers, and walking over to daycare with her. It may be a shock on Monday to have to organize the night before, and rush around a bit in the morning. Megan has even been taking a 20 minute nap every morning after breakfast, so when she gets to daycare she's fresh-faced bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and keen. They may change their "she's so sweet" opinion on Monday when the unnapped, rushed around Megan shows up. I have surprised myself by not crying at all when I drop her off! In fact today I looked forward to it - I can computerize in peace, then take Carson out in the snow, and have a long relaxing shower and maybe do some shopping. I kind of miss her, but for now I am enjoying not fighting Megan into her cold-weather layers of clothing, and not worrying that she's about to be woken up from a nap, and feeling like I can go into stores unencumbered. But I do kinda miss her little hand grasping my finger as we walk through the house. And her little grins and giggles. Otherwise, for now, this daycare thing is a-ok. Much much better than I'd expected.

So This Is Christmas

2008-12-29T08:07:00.000-08:00

We had a lovely Christmas. Bittersweet because of the spector of DAYCARE and WORKWORKWORK hanging over my head, but lovely nonetheless. We spent the Eve with my parents. On The Morning, we woke up and opened stockings by the fireplace, where they'd been hung with care. It was so cool to have such an official Family Moment. And SO different to last Christmas, when we had a 9 day old newborn requiring a rigid feeding schedule, when I was on a postpartum high, and when every second felt like a new learning experience. Megan really enjoyed her Christmas morning, mainly because she was allowed to FINALLY rip and shred paper. "We" gave her blocks, a couple of Christmas ornaments, socks and a slinky. Brad was particularly envious of the slinky. He's been playing with it, and building with the blocks, and glaring somewhat resentfully at his fancy Christmas soap and hiking socks with disdain.

We were done with our little Christmas morning by 8am, thanks to our 6am wake up. Thanks Megan! no sleeping in and missing Christmas for us! We left for Midway at around 9am to spend Christmas with Brad's family. With all the snow, it was quite the drive. I spent much of the drive trying to use the imaginary brake on the passenger side floor, and the imaginary hand brake above the passenger side door (aka the Oh Shit handle). On Boxing Day, Midway hit -24 degrees, so other than two walks - on which my eyelashes and snot FROZE - we spent the day inside, visiting and DOMINATING Scattergories . Ok that was just me.

Mostly I loved seeing Megan doted on and cherished by the family. We hadn't seen them since Thanksgiving and in some cases since our August camping trip, and it was neat to see through their eyes just how much more of a person Megan has become. She was so interested in the big beautiful Christmas tree at my in-laws' and totally fascinated by her big cousins and ESPECIALLY by the big teddy bear they brought her. She spent much more time upright than crawling, doing her best to walk everywhere, sometimes unassisted and sometimes holding our hands or the furniture or the walls. It's been a month since she took that first step, and although I had always kind of thought that once a kid could take a step they were walking, really, it's been a gradual process.

Then on the 27th we drove home. There was a horrible semi-trailer-in-the-canal-and-three-other-vehicles-involved-too accident, so the highway was shut, turning a 5-6 hour drive into a 9 hour epic road trip. Guess which road tripper wasn't too happy about THAT? She did fine considering, but Megan just isn't used to being cooped up in her five point harness for quite that long. Oh and her diaper shifted & leaked, so she was sitting in wet pants on a wet seat and there was nothing we could do about it, being gridlocked as we were. Could've been worse though...at least it wasn't US in that canal, right?

Yesterday we were back to our routine - hiking, lunching, hanging out at home for one last day before daycare. Which we started today: 9-11am with us there with her. She loved it! Best of all, I didn't even shed one tear. I even managed to come across as an "easy going mom", which I'm TOTALLY NOT. I hung back and tried to let the daycare workers take care of Megan, even when I thought I knew what she needed. I didn't always. And she ALREADY does a better job of drinking water for Imelda than she ever has for me. I have high hopes for her becoming a champion eater and napper with all the routines and structures of daycare. And high hopes for me (a) winning the lottery and quitting work forever to smother my darling daughter or (b) learning to deal with spending time away from my baby.

Didja Miss Her???

2008-12-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

This weekend, thanks to my awesome babysitting sister-in-law, Brad and I went away to Victoria for the weekend. WITHOUT MEGAN!! We were gone for two nights, which was perfect. Well, maybe one more night would have been nice. Or two. But that's IT. Really, I am totally surprised that I didn't miss Megan more. I didn't even mention the weekend trip on the blog because a part of me thought that I'd chicken out and be unable to leave her! As we were driving to the ferry on Saturday morning, I had a little cry and just felt like I shouldn't be leaving my baby. A baby needs her mother, and more importantly, this mother NEEDS her baby.

Once I got over the initial tears, I started to enjoy little things, like being able to read the paper without interruption while relaxing on the ferry. Not attracting attention ("how old is he?" etc) in every store or restaurant. Knowing that I could sleep ALL NIGHT LONG and as late as I want! Going to a museum and looking through every exhibit slowly, without anyone melting down into "I need a nap" tears. Eating dinner at a no-under-19s-allowed pub. Paying attention to Brad. Not talking about or dealing with poop. Not trying to coax someone to eat. Doing crosswords. All good things.

And I really didn't miss Megan in the sense of wishing she was with us. 'Cause she's fabulous, but let's be honest, things are just a bit more work when she's around:) I missed cuddling her and nursing her and feeling her little hand wrapped around my finger while we walk around the house together, but that's hella different to wishing she was THERE with us. I talked about her lots, often to complete strangers ("how old is your son? 14 months? we have a one year old. they're so fun at this age!" etc), and this morning, I woke up at 7 (again! can't sleep in to save my life!) and all I could think about was walking into the house and holding my little girl tightly in my arms. Possibly we'd both weep with the dramatic feelings of the moment.

Yeah, not really. Brad came into the house before me, because I was on the phone in the car and wanted my reunion with Megan to be uninterrupted. By the time I came in 10 minutes later, the drama (which hadn't really happened) was over. She looked up at me from the couch where she was sitting with Brad, and grinned. I went over and sat down and she put her arms around me and it felt warm and familiar and wonderful. But there were no dramatic reunion tears. Just the contented face of a toddler who was (very very) well cared for all weekend, happy to see her parents.

But also pretty damn pleased about all this time she got to spend with her Auntie -thanks Cindy!

We feel so lucky to have people like this in our lives. I just read an article in the paper this morning about a retired couple who just this month took their first vacation ever away from their 31 year old disabled daughter. THAT'S how I know that my trials and tribulations are small. They're mine, but they're very very small. And I am thankful.

One Year Old

2008-12-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

So NOW, as in right now, Megan is officially a year and two hours old. Amazing. We went from this: To this: A kid old enough to be slightly embarassed by her parents.

From a baby that was constantly swaddled and too sleepy to breastfeed, to a toddler who can't sit still long enough to eat more than a few bites of real food.

From a baby whose most exciting skills were pooping and peeing (which we charted!!), to a toddler with countless skills including climbing and walking (ok taking steps. 7 at once tonight!) and screeching and laughing.

From a baby who we thought would never sleep through the night to a toddler who sleeps 11-12 hours straight most nights. Except last night, when she apparently woke up at 3:30am inconsolable, causing Brad to go in and check on her, change her diaper, rock her back to sleep, all with me sleeping completely obliviously just one thin wall away. But we're never ever talking about last night again. Except that when Brad called from work this morning, and asked in a guarded voice "how'd she do this morning?" and I chirped back "Great! Slept until ten after 7!" and he growled out the whole 3:30am party story.

From a baby whose favourite activity was diaper changes on her change tableto one who leaves the room whenever possible during diaper changes on the carpet (she's in too much motion to put on the table anymore). This morning we had a new diapering first: I saw her make her poop face, then she was super-crabby, so I thought ok, diaper time. Took off the diaper and there were two teeny tiny turds in it, which I took to the bathroom to flush, leaving Megan diaperless in her bedroom. When I came back, she was standing there looking down. At a big ole' thankfully FIRM log turd. On the carpet. Thankfully very firm. She was much less crabby after that. You're welcome for that visual.

From a baby who grinned widely for the camera whenever it was anywhere in sightto a toddler who 99% of the time looks away from the camera, except to maybe glare at it or healfheartedly glance at it on her way to doing something WAY MORE FUN like taking all the books off the bookshelf! Shredding paper! Swirling her hands in the toilet!

From a baby who simply and immediately consumed all of my time and energy, to a perfect little girl who is constantly in my thoughts and in my heart.

Happy birthday Megan. You are loved.

Obama's Got Nothing On Us

2008-12-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

I asked Brad to stop by the liquor store on the way home from work and pick up "some wine and beer" for the get together we're having tomorrow night that is totally NOT a birthday party for Megan. In fact we're hoping that she will be asleep for most of it so that we can celebrate getting through this first year as parents. We are not having a birthday party for her, although my parents, Andrea and Patrick are coming over on the 16th for cake and candles. And maybe a gift or two. And an early Christmas, since my parents will be the only ones in town for the holidays.

Anyway, Brad was for once THRILLED at my request that he run an errand on the way home from work. He usually hates them so much that he answers the cell phone with a flat slightly grouchy "Hi. What." if I call when he's en route. This time though, for a guy who really would never ever host something like this, he responded admirably. I was kind of thinking of a couple of bottles of wine (people sometimes show up with booze, right? is it cheap of me to think that way?) and maybe a case of beer.

Brad however, came home with his own economic stimulus package.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

2008-12-08T08:29:00.001-08:00

So yesterday, while at a birthday party for one of Megan's one year old "friends" I made the ultimate foot-in-mouth-adults-say-the-darndest-things idiotic faux pas. I was chatting with my friend's sister in law while we piled snacks onto our plates, and she said something like "Your daughter has such gorgeous huge dark eyes. I hope our baby has eyes like that." My immediate, without missing a beat to, I dunno, THINK ABOUT IT, was to respond with "Oh, do you know if you're having a girl or a boy? When are you due?"

Pause.

"I'm not pregnant now, but we're hoping to have a baby in the next couple of years."

Which would have been fine if she was petite and totally didn't look pregnant, right?

Except she had a HUGE ROUND BELLY and BIG BOOBS, ensconced in an EMPIRE WAISTED BIG LONG SHIRT. When I had first seen her in the room, I'd wondered whether she was pregnant right away, and kind of assumed she was, but wasn't going to say anything just in case. Then, with the "our baby" comment, I mean, who says things like that when there isn't even an embryo or a fetus in existence?

I pretended that I hadn't just called her pregnant and acted all casual, saying with a slight laugh "Well, when it happens, you will love it. Babies are great." Or some such nonsense. Then I "had" to walk away to check on Megan.

The end.

One Year Ago Today

2008-12-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

One year ago today was my due date. I had been off of work for 3 whole days, and was already starting to go crazy and feel totally done with being pregnant. Little did I know there would be 13 more days before Megan made her appearance. THIRTEEN MORE DAYS.

One year ago today, whenever I went out, I'd make contingency plans for what if I went into labour and it was super fast (HA HA HA) and there was an accident on the bridge and gridlocked traffic. Mainly the plan was to call Brad to panic, then call 911 and cry. Then call the midwife.

One year ago today, I was killing time waiting for Megan to show up. Baking, watching movies, cooking, shopping...whatever I could do to kill time until Labour Happened and my life completely changed. Now, one year later, I'm killing time while Megan naps. We went swimming this morning, for what will likely be our last Wednesday morning mat leave swim, since our swimming friends are moving to Nelson on Friday. Our mom and baby activities are over, and the moms I've gotten to know over the past year are all gearing up to go back to work over the next month. It's like we've come full circle as things wind down on my maternity leave.

One year ago today, I had no idea of what I was in for. I had read the books, talked to other moms, prepared Megan's room and installed the carseat, but I had no idea. I was already getting up 10 times a night to pee or just obsess and worry, but I had no idea how it would feel to have to get up for SOMEONE ELSE. I had no idea yet that I would ever feel more love for someone than I'd ever felt before. I had no idea how lucky I was about to feel, and how thankful for every moment with my baby girl.

One Small Step

2008-11-27T22:39:00.001-08:00

As in...today, Megan took one small step! She has been oh so close to taking a step for a couple of weeks now, would stand there without holding anything, one foot sort of quivering tentatively, then collapse onto her bum and take off crawling at mach 2. But today was different. And I was excited about it for sure. But also kind of underwhelmed. I mean, one little step? After all that buildup it was hardly anything. Not that I'm looking forward to having a walking kid, because walkers are one step further away from babyhood, and one step closer to being running kids, and running kids can, well, run away from their mommas. And THAT is a sad thought on growing up.

To keep it in perspective, lest you picture this capable looking mature toddler in your head, here's Megan with a onesie on her head during today's hike (forgot her hat), looking very much like a baby. A pissed off baby, but still a baby.

Tongue

2008-11-26T21:36:00.001-08:00

Seriously....waaaaay too much tongue these days Megan!

Baby on the run

2008-11-24T20:49:00.001-08:00

It's getting harder and harder to capture Megan's big smile because she is just too fast. On Sunday she was playing in this little kiddie kitchen at a cafe and was so excited about opening all the drawers and doors, taking stuff out etc. I really wanted to get some pictures, but I swear the best I could do was this:

Could be anyone's kid, right?

Somehow although she has been standing up for months, and adores opening doors, Megan only discovered the doors on our Billy bookcases a few days ago. Now she can't get enough of them. But totally won't waste her precious time posing and smiling while opening the door.

And although she can't walk, she's closer every day, so I bought her her first pair of real non-robeez shoes today! Size 3s, with soft rubber soles and t-straps, and I'm pretty sure that this purchase made me giddier than anything I've purchased for myself recently.

"But I don't understand what you DO all day!"

2008-11-20T10:00:00.000-08:00

Woke to the sound of Megan crying at 6:30. I have been trying to leave her in bed until 7, but this morning it was full-on screechy crying, not just babbling, so I went in. She had thrown up all over her sheet - the room reeked and she just looked so tragic sitting there in her pukey sleep sack in the crib. Brad came in to strip the bed and start laundry, and I nursed Megan for almost half an hour.

Showered with Megan to get rid of her pukey aroma. Showering with a baby is waaay more work and less relaxing than, say, showering on one's own.

Fought with Megan to get her diaper and onesie on.

Went to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. Megan refused to be put down (screamed bloody murder if I so much as tried such cruelty), so she hung out in the pouch sling while I did everything. With the whole "growing molars" project that she's working on, I have been getting a LOT of use out of that sling.

We ate breakfast. Megan actually ate ALL of it, ate like a champ for once, no complaints or fussing, and only minimal amounts of food was thrown down to Carson.

Transferred formerly-pukey stuff to the dryer and put in a load of laundry.

Started working on my coffee. Since having a baby I have become one of those people who reheats coffee, a practice that I'd always thought was totally gross and unnecessary. Who doesn't have time to get through a cup of coffee before it's cold, right? Hah. Me and every other parent/caregiver, that's who.

With a full tummy, Megan was finally able to be put down, so I did a quick vacuum job in the dining room. Yep, some idiot previous owner, or perhaps the stoner 1972 builder, decided that the dining room, where all the food and the eating happens, would be the perfect place for carpet.

Gave Megan a bottle (drank almost 4 ounces! woot!) then put her down for a nap.

Rushed like crazy to clean my car in preparation for plans to drive a mom friend and her baby down to the aquarium - vacuumed up approximately 84 pounds of dog fur. Kicked the dog. In my head only, but I came close. How does fur get everywhere when he has a blanket over his seat and is generally belted in place? HOW?

Took Megan's clean bedding out of the dryer and put the laundry into the dryer then put the fur covered blanket from the car into the washing machine.

Ran in to navigate the insanely convoluted phone tree system required to make an appointment for the flu shot. For December 17. Yep, that was the next available date. May go to a clinic before that.

Got Megan from her nap.

Played. A bit. And maybe internetted. But just a bit and was totally supervising and meaningfully interacting with Megan the whole time.

Got Megan fully dressed for the miserable rainy weather - onesie, jacket, pants, socks, shoes. Went to the bathroom, and as I peed Megan made her "poop face." Undressed Megan, cleaned bum, replaced diaper, rinsed out the diaper liner and wrestled her back into her clothing, socks and shoes.

Took the dog out for a walk in the pouring rain. Stopped at the wine store to buy a birthday present mid-walk which of course involved excessive consultation with the store clerk and then a nice long line up. I had one bottle, the guy ahead had 24. I also had a baby on my back and a soggy dog, but Mr. Man just HAD to keep his place in line. Grrr.

Made lunch for Megan - toast with cream cheese. Put a yam in the oven, cut up a papaya to blend into a dessert pudding for Megan and I (thanks for the idea Reesh!) and then there she was, rubbing her eyes.

Made her a bottle. She drank about two ounces and then the dog's insane barking totally ruined her focus and she wouldn't drink anymore. I zipped her into the sleep sack and left. She was instantly asleep (or just quietly plotting revenge or a coup or something).

Took laundry out of the dryer and put Carson's blanket into the dryer. Threw laundry into the guest bedroom and shut the door. We haven't put laundry away in WEEKS.

Had lunch. Blogged.

And THAT'S how glamourous and maybe not terribly productive a morning with a (pukey!) baby can be. Bonus points if you made it through such an incredibly mundane list. As dull as it may seem, boy am I going to miss and pine for mornings like these when I'm back at work in January.

11 months? Is she walking?

2008-11-18T09:25:00.001-08:00

Megan officially turned 11 months "old" on Sunday. Starting a couple days before, whenever people asked how old she was, I was saying 11 months. IMMEDIATELY AND WITHOUT PAUSE the response was "Is she walking yet?"

NO. Not walking. Super genius kid, advanced in so many areas for sure (you should see her wave), but NOT WALKING.

And that doesn't bother me at all. But, holy crap are there ever expectations out there! I always feel obliged to respond with a big rambly "Not yet, but she climns really well and stands without holding on, and cruises the furniture, and waves and loves music and babbles up a storm and sleeps through the night and is growing MOLARS at just 11 months for christ's sake, so she's too damnbusy to walk, ok?"

Kind of makes me envision future conversations...

"She's 5? Is she reading?"

"7 years old, huh? Does she know her times tables?"

"11? Any boobs yet?"

"13...oh how's her acne coming along?"

"Oh a 15 year old! Does she have a boyfriend?"*

"16! She must be driving now!"

"Wow, 18. Has she graduated from high school? What university will she be going to? Did she get into Engineering?"

"YOU have a 22 year old?!? Unbelievable. She get into a good grad school?"

"I can't believe Megan is 25. Is she busy climbing a ladder of success? Is she engaged?"

"How old is your daughter? 30? Any kids yet?"

etc etc.

I just can't wait.

* Totally know that this is a heterosexist question and would totally be fine if she isn't into boys. For real. But I KNOW people aren't routinely going to just pop the "she's 15? does she have a girlfriend yet?" question. Well, I'm pretty sure. Unless things change a lot in the next 15 years.

Prince of Thieves

2008-11-17T08:59:00.001-08:00

Last week, a friend emailed me a coupon for 30% off at the Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic, good for November 12-16. I really had no intention of printing it or using it, since although I shop at these stores sometimes, I always feel really really guilty about it. You know, my kid wearing a $4 onesie made by some other kid in Bangladesh, for some reason that just doesn't sit that well with me. Except when stuff they sell is really cute and I get off my high horse and give in to trashy (but cute!) consumerism.

Anyway...over the weekend I started thinking about Christmas, and decided it would be so cute for Megan to have a Christmas themed dress or onesie or SOMETHING. Don't ask me why. Anyone who knows me knows that I loathe dressing up for ANY occasion, and have NEVER been a seasonal-theme-outfit girl. Maybe having a kid brings out the worst in me? So, somehow I convinced Brad to head to Park Royal with me and my coupon, yesterday about an hour before closing. Places would be dead by then, right? Everyone should be home making dinner or something, right?

Wrong. Both places were total zoos. Piles upon piles of discounted trendy stuff everywhere, and throngs of people. What the hell? There wasn't any big sale going on, so what the hell? Is this really how people spend their Sunday late afternoons? We searched all over the Gap first, even crammed into a changing room to try some red dresses on Megan, a process met with LOUD screaming and resistance of the body-go-stiff-as-a-board variety. Once I had one dress on, my sweet little girl, the one who hasn't spit up since she was about 3 months old? Decided to SPIT UP on a trial dress that was (a) too small and (b) too expensive at $34.95 (even with 30% off, no way). Brad and I kind of panicked, then used a damp washcloth from the diaper bag to wipe off the telltale spit up, yanked the dress off, and left. Fast. And felt a wee bit guilty. But just a wee bit, since the line-up 10 deep at the cashier's* clearly showed that the Gap isn't hurting for business.

Then we went to Old Navy. Total zoo-y nuthouse of lunatic families and women pushing shopping carts overflowing with clothes. Found no Christmas themed outfits in Megan's size at ALL, but I did wedge one cute grey dress (on sale! $5.99!) into the sunshade part of Megan's stroller, in case we came across the elusive Christmas outfit which would justify joining the monster line. We didn't come across such an outfit, so we left and went to Whole Foods. Where, while wandering the aisles, I looked down and OF COURSE realized we had stolen a small grey dress. Aren't stores supposed to have alarms for that kind of thing? Why was it so easy? No security type or employee noticed Brad pushing a stroller through the exit door with a dress still on its hanger sticking out from the sunshade? Really??!?!?

I immediately sent Brad to return the dress (even though of course the Bad Eva voice in my head was yelling "KEEP IT"), while I finished up with the groceries. Since The Almost Theft incident, I've told the story to a few people and OMG they've ALL done this before! And some have kept the item because they didn't realize they had it until they got home! And ONE of them was Brad! I cannot even imagine being that absentminded while shopping, so out of touch with what I'M HOLDING that I walk out with it! Good lord. What is this world coming to?!

* aren't we supposed to be heading into a recession? where are all these crazy people getting all this money to spend at Gap Kids anway?

Where is this little boy's mother?

2008-11-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

It has been a very busy week, and between celebrating my mom's 60th birthday and trying to finish "Shantaram" for my book club meeting last night (I didn't finish but it's over 900 pages long!) AND having Brad away since Sunday (in Barcelona!) there just hasn't been a lot of blog time. Well, of course I've been READING blogs, but writing? Nah. Too much effort or something.
Plus the weather, until this brilliant crispy blue sky fall morning anyway, has been crap. Rain and dreary grim soupy days, one after the other. Blech. I have found that having the year off of work has made me less upset about the rain though, since I'm outside waaaay more than I ever have been, so I get to experience those brief cloud partings, and enjoy the pattering rain on my umbrella or raincoat, and appreciate the sheer genius of the stroller's rain cover.

We've spent our rainy days going on lots of walks and even made it to the free story time at the library with a friend and her TWO little ones yesterday (two = lots more work. fun but work). Free story time is very chaotic, chock full of kids, nannies, moms with newborns, grandmas, and well, TONS of little kids. At least 30 in a small space. Megan is really not the sit in my lap and cuddle up attentively type of kid. Believe me, there ARE kids like that, even as young as 10 (almost 11...sob) months old. Little kids who watch the storyteller with complete engagement rather than, say, using the storytellers legs as objects to pull up on, or shrieking "GA GA GAH GAH" while he's reading, or pulling books off of the library shelves at a furious pace while moms look at each other with that "where is this little boy's mother"* raised eyebrow thing.

The OTHER thing that's kept me busy is photos. Like all new parents, we (me really) have taken thousands of digital photos of Megan. ThousandS. I hadn't gotten any developed since May, so, yeah, around a thousand-ish were sitting on a little memory card, and the paranoid voice in my head kept muttering about the high probability of the computer wiping out all our photos and me losing my memory card, so I broke down and hit London Drugs to spend most of Sunday morning developing pictures. Again, gah. It kind of sucked. Not only the outrageous bill, but also the whole process of sitting at that kiosk and painfully going through each goddamn picture. After a few screens of looking through and editing each picture, I gave up, and just selected them all to print. More expensive but waaaay less annoying. The prints are great - London Drugs does a wonderful job by not just running them through a machine, but having a Techie edit the pics for red eyes, weird colours etc. Unfortunately, in the process, they pretty much TOTALLY FUCK UP the order of the pictures. Not a big deal when you're developing, say, 50 photos, or even a hundred. But with ten times that number? You end up with a huge frickin' sorting project that consumes all the time you should have been reading Shantaram.

So, the sort is still in progress. I'm really excited about having albums full of pictures in chronological order and everything, but MAN does the sorting suck.

Oh and twice in the past two weeks I've been told that Megan looks like a baby seal. I kind of agree. Much more than the two times I've been told that she looks like Mr. Potato Head.

* They all think she's a boy as per their comments after storytime "your little guy's really energetic" etc. 'Cause of course no GIRL could be that energetic, right? My turn to GAH at the frickin' sexism that starts when kids are just wee like Megan.

Deja Vu All Over Again

2008-11-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Megan woke up with some clear runny snot dripping from her nose. No other cold symptoms. When we were at a friend's house playing, I noticed that she drooled a couple of times. Now Megan is many things, but she is NOT a drooler. Oh and over the past couple of days her finger has been poking around in the back of her mouth. Oh and yesterday? Hardly ate a bloody thing, just kept pursing her lips together and turning her head away every time a spoonful of anything came near her mouth. Anything except the cold spout on my water bottle. Then, after two straight months of sleeping through the night, she woke up screaming at 4am.

Good God, we're Teething again.

She's only ten and a half months old, but I do believe we're heading for the twelve month molars. Which for luckier parents don't show up until closer to 16 months. Why on earth couldn't she have just been an early walker instead of an early teether?

Seriously, why?

Our Daycare Kid

2008-11-05T19:58:00.000-08:00

We got into our neighbourhood daycare! We paid the deposit today, and as of January 5, Megan will be a daycare kid, dropped off every morning at 8am by her momma and picked up at 4pm by her dad. 8 hours a day with 11 other little toddlers and 3 women who will suddenly have a very large influence on her development. We've been daycare shopping and wait-listing for a long time now, and there have been times where as I toured a daycare, tears welled up in my eyes at the thought that someday soon I'd be leaving my baby every day.

Today though, when I handed over that cheque, it didn't feel as awful as I thought it would. I was actually excited for Megan, for the new experiences she's going to have. She strained to be put down, so that she could crawl around the room, investigate the toys and furniture, and "play" with the 3 little girls who were still waiting for their parents at 5:15pm. My heart didn't shatter into a million pieces!

I've had such emotional turmoil about going back to work in January, going back to full time, adult, use-yer-brains work. Work that I was told can NOT be converted into a job share or a part time arrangement. Work that I actually love most of the time, with pretty great co-workers, a fascinating industry, and let's face it, a pretty nice positive reinforcement every two weeks. BUT...work that would take me away from Megan, the newest love of my life. The most healthy, balancing, amazing, challenge that I've ever faced has been my little daughter, and how could I even think of leaving her?

I know that many people think something along the lines of "if you're going to have kids, why pay someone else to raise them" when they think of daycare. Surprisingly enough to me, many of the moms I've met this past year feel exactly that way. In a way I agree with them, but then again, I know strong, confident, well-adjusted adults who went to daycare as toddlers and have done just fine. They suffer no confusion as to who their parents are in the long run - ultimately it's parents who instill values and consistency and share weekends and bedtimes, vacations and illnesses and birthdays, who create family humour and traditions, not daycare workers.

Brad and I have been SO back and forth on this though! We've even considered moving to a small town so that we could live on one income, although given the type of work that Brad and I do, it would be ME who'd more easily find work, not Brad. And as wonderful a dad as he is, that's just not the scenario we envisioned. Besides, really, even if we could live on one income, I just don't want to someday 5 years from now find myself with a 5 year gap on my resume, unable to properly compete for the kind of work that I enjoy. Oh, and I'd always feel weird about living on someone else's income. I KNOW that taking care of "our" daughter is valuable work, but since it is unpaid labour, I'd always feel some inequity. I think.

Of course, if I go back headstrong, power-suited-up, ready to conquer the work world in 7.5 hours a day (hells no am I working long days when my kid's waiting for me!), if I do that and HATE it, and cry all the time, and can't fathom that there is any value in what I'm doing compared to the value of hanging out with Megan? Then we'll be looking at alternatives. Nothing is set in stone, right? But given how outgoing Megan is, I just know she'll have an awesome time at daycare...and maybe if I keep looking, I'll find that elusive 2-3 days per week job that will put my life in perfect balance, allowing me to use my head in different ways every day, allowing Megan to socialize with other people sometimes, but still spend more than half of the "work week" with her loving, doting, super-cool* momma.

* I can dare to dream, right?

Kitten Bum!

2008-10-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

On second thought, maybe it's some other animal? A bear face? Who knows.

Hide and Seek

2008-10-30T14:08:00.001-07:00

If Megan hadn't hidden the cable thingy that connects the camera to the computer, I'd be posting a picture of my new favourite thing: little girl babies in tights. OMG the cuteness! I went to a big rummage sale last weekend and among all the practical fleecy outdoorsy stuff for 2 and 3 year olds (she'll never be that big, right?) I bought a pair of bright pink tights. With a kitten face on the bum! Could anything be cuter than a little bum with a kitten?

BUT.

Of course Megan's favourite play area after the toilet and my warehouse pack of earplugs, happens to be the computer desk. Especially when cables are hanging off of the front. Apparently delicious cables, because boy do they ever spend a lot of time in Megan's mouth. Unlike food, which has an up and down relationship with the inside of Megan's mouth.

Off to search for the missing cable.

It's Not All Bad

2008-10-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your comments and suggestions about my breastfeeding woes. It's not really all that stressful around these parts other than the three times daily that I nurse Megan. Really! We've been out and about, hiking and boot camp-ing and coffee shop sitting. All good. And Megan's been of course developing new skills and interests every day. Her new favourite interest: climbing into the open dishwasher to play with the dishes in there. My trick: I unload the dangerous stuff before Megan gets up, then re-load with silicone spatulas, wire wisks and tupperware bowls, THEN let her at it.

She's also standing without holding onto anything for increasingly longer periods of time, and always looks shocked and amazed and thrilled with herself until she loses balance and plops down onto her bum or grabs onto whatever is nearby so she can stay standing. She does a bit of furniture cruising, but usually pulls along the couch for a few steps, then gets down to crawl, because she can crawl soooo much faster.

She loves climbing and yesterday morning I caught her trying to scale the little bamboo shelf beside my bed, which is definitely NOT stable enough to support her, and is loaded down with books and a lamp, which made it slightly terrifying to see her grinning at me from the centre shelf. Guess I'll have to keep our bedroom door permanently closed now, along with the two other bedroom doors.

Due to Megan's adoration of the toilet and all toilet-related items and activities, our bathroom counter is now cluttered with the garbage can and toilet paper roll. Leaving these within Megan's reach spells disastrous mess every time. The girl LOVES her toilet paper. We may have to buy one of those "toilet locks" that I totally laughed at months ago ...you know "what kind of anal parent would buy THAT?"

All of the "low" cupboards in our house are now equipped with childproof (ha!) locks. We cheaped out though and bought those crappy white plastic locks that really aren't very difficult to figure out, but they're keeping Megan's busy hands away ... for now. She is less interested in "baby" toys, other than her walker, and more interested in OUR stuff. She can spend ages with our shoes and hiking poles (I KNOW...totally going to poke her eyes out) and spatulas, but only a few seconds with her bead maze or ring stacker. She loves balls, and dumping the shapes out of her shape sorting toy.

She's still not much of a reader or a cuddler, but in the last couple of days has started pulling board books out of her book basket and sucking them then flinging them around, which is more interest than she's showed in books EVAH. I've been reading to Megan, or trying to, since she was a newborn. I always figured that Brad & I read a lot, so any child of ours would LOVE cuddling up and being read to. HAH. She is NOT a cuddly baby and has never really been interested in a book for longer than about two seconds. Over the past couple of months I've started reading to her as if I'm her teacher, holding the book facing away from me and reading, regardless of what Megan's doing. She'll be scooting around, playing, shoe-inspecting or whatever and I'll be reading "Corduroy" or whatever in my most animated voice, pointing at the pictures, asking questions and answering them. It may be working, because she now will stop what she's doing, come over and point at stuff in the book, or try to grab it and chew or rip the pages. Progress! Busy Climber Kid may be coming around!

A Sad Milestone

2008-10-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

Megan drank 60 ml of formula from a bottle today! I am thrilled. And of course slightly devastated that my baby could exist independently of me and my breasts. I've just had so so SOOOO many issues recently (don't ask...but know that pus and a lactation consultant and the Vancouver Breastfeeding Centre physician and a naturopath have all been involved) that we bought a can of formula powder on the weekend and have been persistently, aggressively pushing it on Megan. Mostly she's been, well, resistant. Which of course made me happy (she needs me! she really needs me!) and sad (it huuurrrrttttss to nurse! it really really really huuurrrtts!).

But today, after a long day out with me, gallivanting around the north shore and downtown on foot and transit, she took a full 60 ml from a bottle from Brad. In her darkened bedroom in the chair where I normally nurse her. She must have just been too tired and thirsty (hadn't drank anything for 3 hours. am horribly neglectful mother.) to resist anymore.

My heart broke more than a little. I have no intention of completely weaning her anytime soon, but really need to cut back to twice a day max for a little while until the pain and suffering through every feed is gone. And if by that time Megan says "to hell with Mumma, gimme that bottle", then that will be that. And I'll mourn and cry and life will go on, because in the big scheme of things, well, she had 10 great months, and MY WORD did we do some bonding and exploit a wonderful healthy portable amazing cozy (and free!) source of food. And we'll buy good organic free range yuppie formula to assuage our guilt at manipulating this innocent little baby into giving up the most relaxing, peaceful, comforting activity in her life.

ps - Did I mention that my girl has EIGHT teeth? Seriously. Eight. So not fair to give the most gifted tooth sprouter to the mama with the most sensitive and issue ridden boobs. SO not fair. Cause my girl? She can USE those teeth.

pps - this morning I nursed her at 6:45am, put her back to bed, then when she got up at 7:30 we had breakfast...THEN I gave her a bottle...and she DRANK it! and it didn't kill me or devastate me at all, in fact it was kind of relieving to know she was taking in something without me having to rip out a boob and grit my teeth and kick the chair HARD to deal with the pain

ppps - thanks for the mastitis post suggestions, I'll be emailing both of you who commented!

ps^4 - no more frickin' ps-ing. swear to god. go enjoy your day.

Things We Don't Report To Social Services

2008-10-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have mornings where, by 9am, your kid has already played with knives?

AND fished around in the toilet?

And done both activities the day after playing with and chomping on fresh-from-outside shoes?

Me too.

I won't tell if you won't tell.

Good News, Bad News

2008-10-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

Good News: The Green party got more votes than ever in yesterday's election! Go Green!

Bad News: They didn't even get one lousy seat. And the BLOC who most of the country can't even vote for (they represent Quebec) got a pile of seats. And we are in another Conservative minority government.

Good News: Despite a rough start I'm still breastfeeding, and Megan will be 10 months old tomorrow.

Bad News: Mastitis. Again. My third course of antibiotics in 4 months. Shoot me. It started yesterday afternoon, feeling kind of achy & KILLING PAIN every time I fed Megan on the right side. By around 5pm my armpit hurt, I reached in and sure enough there was a small ball sized rock hard lump. Swollen lymph node. I hit the walk in clinic after (painfully) feeding Megan and putting her to bed and of course it was prescription time. I asked what the alternative was, and the doc cheerfully said we could let it run its course and I might lose my right arm to the infection. Um, no thanks. So antibiotics it is. 14 days worth. Yuck.

Good News: We had an awesome little road trip to Kelowna for Thanksgiving. Ate my mother in law's amazing world's best (I swear) pumpkin pie, caught up with the in-laws, went for some great walks. Even stopped at a winery for some tastings at 10:30am on our way out of town! Megan charmed everyone there by crawling around the wine store ("what's your son's name? how old is he?" me: "her name is Megan & she's almost 10 months" and can't you see the pink fleece and butterfly embroidered shirt? CAN'T YOU?). I think it got us bigger than average pours.

Bad News: I have Trust Issues when it comes to Brad's driving. Mainly just highway driving on very low visibility days full of pouring rain and heavy fog and cloud. This meant he pulled over on the highway at a rest stop and forced me to drive because "going less than the speed limit goes against everything I believe in." I was more than happy to lead a stream of cars down the Coquihalla's steepest section in the right hand lane, never going faster than 95, watching a zillion aggressive assholes race by in the left lane. There was some tension in our car. But at least I was safe and in control.

Good News: Megan LOOOVES sashimi, sushi, seaweed, eating from chopsticks and YAY is a total westcoast north shore girl.

Bad News: According to "Toddler's First Steps" meat for 9-12 month olds is supposed to be "well cooked." Oh well. Kids in Japan eat raw fish, right? And they live to tell the tale?

Good News: Megan loves music. In fact, Brad (who doesn't know that all babies love music) is CONVINCED that our kid is going to be musical. She was completely spellbound while her cousin played the piano after our Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday. She sat and cuddled with Brad, and for a VERY non-cuddly baby, this was amazing.

Bad News: We are not musical. We listen to a lot of music but don't play instruments. And don't really want to own a piano. And can't afford either a piano or lessons. Luckily there are at least a few more years before we have to cross this bridge, and there are nice small instruments out there that are much more store-able and affordable.